Let’s talk about language. I’ve always been fascinated by languages. When I was a young teenager, I made a list of all the languages I wanted to know. I didn’t just want to learn; I wanted to become a fluent speaker of those languages! A little too ambitious, perhaps, but I hoped to one day be fluent in four or five other languages besides English, including American Sign Language (ASL), French, and Dutch. I suppose it was only natural with a father from the Netherlands and both parents and a set of grandparents working in linguistics. I ended up taking 2½ years of French and ½ a year of Spanish in high school. At my church, my mother and I studied some ASL with a missionary to the Deaf, and when I went on to college, I continued by taking five classes (about 3 semesters worth) of ASL.

Though I no longer really hope to become fluent in all the languages in which I’m interested, I have recently added Na’vi to the list of languages I want to know. I can’t help it! I want to know more!

Grammar & Syntax

I can be, at times, what you might call a Grammar (and punctuation) Nazi. In my book, grammar and punctuation are so closely related they are basically the same subject. I don’t know all the rules, but I tend to be strict about those I know, and I’m always looking to learn more about grammar rules and what is correct. Yes, when spending hours and hours IMing, back in the day, I drove friends nuts by correcting their errors, and they drove me nuts by ignoring my corrections. Some of my pet peeves:

• The commas. I could never comprehend why people have so much trouble learning to use a comma. The biggest mistakes that irk me are below:
  - I like to sing and, play guitar.
  - My hair is soft, long and blonde. (The fact that this comma usage is becoming more widely accepted does not stop it from irritating me!)
• The wrong-word-usage. For example:
  - Its vs. It’s
  - Their vs. There
  - Here vs. Hear
  - Know vs. Now (Yes, people actually make that mistake.)
  - Who vs. Whom (If you don’t know which word to use, re-word your sentence.)
• Prepositional Phrases.
  - Having multiple prepositional phrases in the same sentence while neglecting to pay attention to the word order.
  - Ending sentences with prepositions! It bothers me when I do it, too.

What is it about languages that intrigues me so much?

Studying

Maybe I’m interested simply because I’m able to understand languages. My mind grasps the concepts, the rules, and the similarities between one language and another, and it wants to know more! I don’t plan to be a linguist, but my desire to learn more about languages is hard to ignore. I do plan to take as many language courses and learn as much as I can in the future!

What about you? Do you have an affinity for languages as well? Are you already fluent in multiple languages? Do you have any tips for learning new languages? I’d love for you to share!

And don’t worry – if you don’t like languages, that won’t make me think any less of you.

Note: This blog was inspired partially by Your Friend, The Comma, which I read almost two months ago.

It’s frustrating to me to try and be friends with someone who won’t speak his mind. And no, this isn’t a post asking for comments! I’m talking about speaking your mind, just in every day life. Do you hold back rather than tell a friend he has something in his teeth? Do you agree to go along with some activity you really don’t want to do? Do you smile and nod and say everything is fine when it’s not?

Stop fearing rejection and speak your mind!

People won’t always care what I have to say, but I still make an effort to speak my mind. Personally, I’ve gone through periods in my life where I’ve blamed my circumstances or the people around me for your social life – or lack thereof. I’ve been there, and the memory of it is still fresh. I think I’m finally coming to terms with my responsibility – my part – when it comes to my social life.

You know, I know, we all know that you can’t make people like you. You can do some things that encourage people to like you, or at least you can encourage them to like the part of yourself that you’re choosing to show, but you can’t force anyone to like you. That will sometimes happen, sometimes not. However! That doesn’t mean that it is everyone else’s job to become your friend. If you or I want healthy friendships, marriages, or any kind of relationships at all, we have to realize that our actions, thoughts, and words have a direct impact on the quality of our social lives.

Speaking Your Mind the Right Way

Speaking your mind in the positive sense that I’m talking about leads to several things:

1. I will have been true to myself, and any relationships I have will have been formed on the truth. I will not have deceived anyone into thinking I’m something other than what I really am.
2. I will feel better having let my real opinion be known. I won’t feel as if I’ve had to bottle up my feelings until it’s time to burst.
3. I will have learned to give my friends and loved ones the benefit of the doubt. I trust them to care about me enough to accept my opinions, and I also trust the strength of our relationship enough to believe that if they neglect to ask me, it’s not for lack of caring.

I think the third point is my favorite and is also a major stumbling block for people who have trouble speaking their minds. As you noticed, it’s two-fold. I’m still working on the second half of it, because it means that if no one asks about my day, I can take a step of faith and tell them without fearing that the reason they didn’t ask is because they don’t care to know. It also means I can approach my loved ones with problems they may not have perceived, believing that they probably would have asked if they had known I was upset and that I needed them. Similarly, I can strengthen relationships by reaching out to my friends in ways that they neglect to reach out to me, all because of that same trust that I choose to place in them. If I give them the benefit of the doubt, I can care for and love them a little more freely.

Yor Doin It Wrong

I just want to clarify that when I advocate speaking your mind, I don’t mean that it’s correct for every circumstance. There are wrong times and wrong ways of doing it, so be careful. Doing it wrong has pretty much the opposite effect – it will hurt your relationships. The balance that must be found should not scare you away from speaking your mind altogether, though. Many things must be balanced upon a knife edge, or are separated by only a fine line. The difference between speaking your mind the right and wrong way, however, is much bigger. Think “balanced on a dull sword blade.” Something like that.

1. Don’t take advantage of trust by criticizing. Likely, your relations care about you enough to want to hear what you have to say, but that doesn’t mean they feel you have a right to critique everything they do or criticize them on a regular basis. Of course, you wouldn’t do that, but it would be speaking your mind. Just in the wrong way.
2. Don’t force others to do it your way all the time. Yes, I advise that you speak up if there is an activity being planned that you don’t want to be part of. But it’s still a good idea to kindly go along with others’ ideas sometimes, even if it wouldn’t have been your choice. (Wendy’s is not my favorite restaurant, but when a group of friends is going, there’s no need to make a big deal out of it.)
3. Don’t just blurt out anything at any time. Use tact! Speak in a way that shows you’re just expressing your opinion, not trying to shoot down someone else’s ideas.

Responsibility For Your Social Life

As you take responsibility for and control of your social life, see if these tips help you at all. Or maybe these are things that you already do, or you have suggestions for additions to the list. If so, how about leaving a comment and sharing?

Is any other subject so likely to go in one ear and out the other? Hm, that’s ironic. Everyone knows that communication is the basis for any strong relationship, including, of course, marriage. We may be tired of hearing it, but if it’s old news, it’s also tried and true.

Have you ever known someone who is a peacemaker? Are you ever surprised at how they can smooth over issues that have people in knots? I have a theory about that. I think those peacemakers are really just people with strong communication skills. They’re able to look into the argument and locate the misunderstanding.

I’m astounded sometimes at the arguments my friends get into! Thankfully, my husband and I, though we have only been married a short time, have had over nine years to practice arguing. And unlike some couples, we’ve used that as a chance to develop our communication skills, as well.

There are numerous books and articles addressing this issue, but just for a quick break down, let me list four of the things that I find helpful when I’m trying to communicate with the people in my life:

1. Active Listening – In my opinion, this does not have to necessarily mean repeating everything the other person says verbally. I think it’s often good enough just to do it silently in your own mind. Before focusing too much on what you’re going to say next, take a moment to hear what your friend is saying and repeat it to yourself in your own words. This is also a principle we find in the Bible. (James 1:19)
2. Benefit of the Doubt – I struggle with this one even as I try to apply it in my life, but it’s true. You may hear what you think you hear, and you may react before realizing you may not have heard what the other party meant. But if something comes across as hurtful, try to find another possible meaning – a positive one. Let that be your interpretation of the words until you have a more substantial reason to believe otherwise.
3. Ask for Clarification – Why don’t we do this more? I see it in real life, on TV, and I even read it in my favorite books. People hear things, and interpret them, never wondering whether they’re correct. The way I do this most frequently is to ask someone to say something again, but in different words. Then I tell them what I think I heard and ask if that’s correct.
4. Don’t Try to Wound – This applies especially during arguments or fights. When fighting with people you care for, don’t forget that you care for them, and they care for you! Keep your arguments about the issue, and don’t try to wound the person. Even the biggest disagreements don’t have to put a rift in your relationship if you keep the fights fair.

It’s a short list, but as I said, it’s tried and true, by myself as well as others. There are dozens of rules and guidelines besides these. I for one can’t memorize all of them. But I can keep these few in mind, and hopefully you can, too!