Is any other subject so likely to go in one ear and out the other? Hm, that’s ironic. Everyone knows that communication is the basis for any strong relationship, including, of course, marriage. We may be tired of hearing it, but if it’s old news, it’s also tried and true.

Have you ever known someone who is a peacemaker? Are you ever surprised at how they can smooth over issues that have people in knots? I have a theory about that. I think those peacemakers are really just people with strong communication skills. They’re able to look into the argument and locate the misunderstanding.

I’m astounded sometimes at the arguments my friends get into! Thankfully, my husband and I, though we have only been married a short time, have had over nine years to practice arguing. And unlike some couples, we’ve used that as a chance to develop our communication skills, as well.

There are numerous books and articles addressing this issue, but just for a quick break down, let me list four of the things that I find helpful when I’m trying to communicate with the people in my life:

1. Active Listening – In my opinion, this does not have to necessarily mean repeating everything the other person says verbally. I think it’s often good enough just to do it silently in your own mind. Before focusing too much on what you’re going to say next, take a moment to hear what your friend is saying and repeat it to yourself in your own words. This is also a principle we find in the Bible. (James 1:19)
2. Benefit of the Doubt – I struggle with this one even as I try to apply it in my life, but it’s true. You may hear what you think you hear, and you may react before realizing you may not have heard what the other party meant. But if something comes across as hurtful, try to find another possible meaning – a positive one. Let that be your interpretation of the words until you have a more substantial reason to believe otherwise.
3. Ask for Clarification – Why don’t we do this more? I see it in real life, on TV, and I even read it in my favorite books. People hear things, and interpret them, never wondering whether they’re correct. The way I do this most frequently is to ask someone to say something again, but in different words. Then I tell them what I think I heard and ask if that’s correct.
4. Don’t Try to Wound – This applies especially during arguments or fights. When fighting with people you care for, don’t forget that you care for them, and they care for you! Keep your arguments about the issue, and don’t try to wound the person. Even the biggest disagreements don’t have to put a rift in your relationship if you keep the fights fair.

It’s a short list, but as I said, it’s tried and true, by myself as well as others. There are dozens of rules and guidelines besides these. I for one can’t memorize all of them. But I can keep these few in mind, and hopefully you can, too!