Two soldiers from Hubby’s division, who were deployed to the same location as my hubby, were killed Saturday during a training exercise with US soldiers and Iraqi soldiers. It was only one Iraqi soldier who was out for blood, apparently, and the man’s own commanding officer also died trying to take him down… But still, just one soldier with a plan to use live rounds instead of blanks, and we’ve lost two of our men. I pray that God comforts their families…. I can’t even imagine the pain.

I know that a lot of us wives are finding that this is a wake-up call. Iraq, right now, is still unsafe. Yeah, it’s better than it was a couple years ago, and it’s better than Afghanistan. But there are still so many dangers there, from the vehicles breaking down or catching fire during mission to the people who make stupid choices and put others in danger, to the Iraqis who still hate us and don’t care whether they survive their attempt to take as many down as possible.

I’m reminding myself, however, that it’s not a wake-up call to worry. It’s a call to pray more and trust more. The God who loves us and gave his Son for us has all things well in hand, and I know he wants for me to lay my anxieties at his feet and allow him to comfort me.

Thankfully, when I heard the news this weekend I was occupied by a visit from one of my best friends! It was good to have a distraction. I think without Erika here, I might have spent the whole weekend saying to myself, “I know he’s fine, but….” and “what if….” and “…but if he’s okay, why hasn’t he been online?” I watched four movies this weekend with Erika…

1. 1. Knight and Day – Funny movie, but oh, so corny. The dialog was pretty bad, the stunts were pretty outrageous, and…I just expected more from Cameron Diaz and Tom Cruise.
2. 2. Easy A – Liked this one fairly well. It was a cute movie and a decent story. My complaint is with the girl playing the main character. I’ve seen Emma Stone in several other movies without complaint, but I did not like her in this role. It didn’t seem like a good fit. She was annoying and kind of awkward, in my opinion.
3. 3. The Dilemma – Liked this one pretty well, too. It was funny – definitely has its moments… But it’s the kind of movie that kind of makes you cringe for the main character. He seems to always make bad decisions.
4. 4. The Social Network – Good movie! Although, it did make me kind of hate Mark Zuckerburg. The movie kept me interested all the way through and was just…very captivating and entertaining. And I liked how it neither spoke as to who was right and who was wrong, nor did it gloss over everything as if it was all just a little unnecessary drama. The characters seemed very real – in the sense that sometimes people just don’t THINK and sometimes geniuses are stupid jerks and sometimes friendships aren’t very deep… I guess I can’t really explain it.

I hope that y’all will help me pray for the families of those soldiers who died in Iraq on Saturday. And pray for the rest of the soldiers that are still there in Iraq and in other dangerous countries, such as my Hubby (who, by the way, is fine He was able to get back online last night and reassure me).

The church I frequently attend is going through the Discipleship Journal Bible Reading Plan! I’m planning to read along with them for several reasons…

1. 1. Habit – I’ve gotten out of the habit of regularly reading scripture. I usually only crack my Bible open for my weekly Bible study or for church, but in the past I’ve felt much closer to God and had much more peace when I was reading daily.
2. 2. Knowledge – I’ve never read through the whole Bible. I’ve tried several times, but when reading it from front to back, I always get stuck in the Old Testament… I’ve read through the New Testament a couple times, but there are still parts of the OT that I’ve probably never even seen!
3. 3. Unity – I like that the whole church is doing this together, and I really want to be involved by doing it with them.

If any of those reasons stand out to you, maybe you’d like to join us? I’m a little late posting this, but there’s still time for you to catch up and join in, as the plan only requires 25 days per month of reading. So it’s not every day reading. To start with, we’re in Matthew, Acts, Psalms, and Genesis. The plan gives you passages from four different places in the Bible, which I think is pretty unique. So far it has been interesting for me!

• Sunday: Matthew 1:1-17, Acts 1:1-11, Psalm 1, Genesis 1-2
• Monday: Matthew 1:18-25, Acts 1:12-26, Psalm 2, Genesis 3-4
• Tuesday: Matthew 2:1-12, Acts 2:1-21, Psalm 3, Genesis 5-8
• Wednesday: Matthew 2:13-23, Acts 2:22-47, Psalm 4, Genesis 9-11
• Thursday: Matthew 3:1-12, Acts 3, Psalm 5, Genesis 12-14
• Friday: Matthew 3:13-17, Acts 4:1-22, Psalm 6, Genesis 15-17
• Saturday: Matthew 4:1-11, Acts 4:23-37, Psalm 7, Genesis 18-20

First blog of the new year! I’ve been at this for several months, now, and despite what my recent lack of activity might suggest, I am still interested in keeping this blog going. I do, however, think that this is a good time to reassess some things.

It seems I need to recognize that I’m in a different place in life than I was last February.

I am, for one thing, no longer an Avon lady, per se. I can still order products, but I don’t have the website to allow customers to place orders online, and I don’t order and distribute brochures. What do I do, then, ask my friends and family. Do I go to school? Well, no. I’m not currently going to school, either.

I am an Army wife who is trying to survive her first deployment through the help of God, family, friends, and a regularly-scheduled counseling appointment. Since deployment began, if I’m really honest, I haven’t done much of anything. At all. After deciding to finally give up on Avon (I’m not a sales-person…), I intended to spend “work time” each day doing blogs and working on my novel. But the truth is that I don’t spend my days doing productive things like that. I don’t do the things that are high on my priority list, or the things that are the most fulfilling for me. I do the things that are the easiest, and the things that pass time quickly, the things that take my mind off of reality. And I regret it, and then the next day I do it again.

I’m an Army wife trying to survive her husband’s first deployment. I leave the house a few times a week: to go to counseling, to go grocery shopping, to go to church, and to go to Bible study sometimes. I go walking for thirty minutes about five times a week. I try to read my Bible and pray daily. I write a weekly snail-mail letter to my husband in Iraq, despite the fact that we talk almost daily online. And I watch a *lot* of Netflix. And play Minecraft. And sleep.

But am I still passionate about writing? Yes. And am I still an aspiring novelist, an artist of sorts, a homemaker, a Christian? Yes.

So, what will Ocipura.com look like in 2011?

*More personal. I tried hard in 2010 to keep the blog from becoming a personal journal. And when I say tried hard, I mean hard. It was a lot of effort for me. You can ask Hubby – one of my most frequent complaints was that I couldn’t write about something or didn’t know how to write about something without making it too personal. I’m not too worried about that anymore, and I think that my friends who read won’t be too bothered by the blog becoming more personal.

*More fictitious? I’ve been thinking a lot about trying to post some of my writing on here. I haven’t decided for sure yet. Frankly, I’m worried about my work being stolen. Not that someone would necessarily take my words and pass them off as their own so much as they might take my ideas and write them better. So this isn’t something I’m saying you will see in 2011, but it’s a possibility.

*More pictures. I know I’ve mentioned before that this blog has a severe lack of pictures. I really would like to correct that.

*More interactive. I’ve already talked to my webmaster about the possibility of adding a forum, and I’m really hoping to get more feedback from readers this year. We’ll see. On that note, please, can you tell me what I can do to entice you guys to become more involved? I ask questions frequently and try to open things up for discussion, but that rarely draws a single comment. Any thoughts?

It’s windy outside. I just took a walk, and my ears nearly froze right off. I’m serious, yo!

So I’m just breezing through with an update on life, the universe, and everything. For those of you unaware, I did successfully complete National Novel Writing Month again! For the third time! I wrote what I’m categorizing as a mainstream fiction novel (draft) that follows three different-but-related Army stories. Depending on whether you count hyphenated words as one word or multiple words, I wrote between 50-51k words. So I’m pretty proud of that! As a winner, I get the satisfaction of having won. And a printable certificate. Oh, and 50% off of this writing software that I’m really excited about. Hubby said I can has!

Since then, life has returned back to normal in more ways than one. My mom left after her month-long visit, so the house is back to empty. And I’m back to writing only occasionally (in other words, not really much at all).

I hope that everyone has a great holiday season! I am spending Christmas Eve with Hubby’s family and Christmas Day with my family, and I am eagerly anticipating the arrival of spring and Hubby’s 2 weeks of R&R!

How important is it to be real?

With yourself? Very important. With your spouse? Again, very important.

With your friends? I…I’m not sure!

What I Learned From my Childhood

• It’s not okay to cry sometimes.
• Crying makes people uncomfortable, and their comfort is more important than my pain.
• It’s okay to cry, but really, you shouldn’t. Grown-ups hold it in and do it privately.
• Sometimes, there’s just no one with whom you can share.
• If my emotions don’t make sense, I might as well keep them to myself rather than experience that lonely, “unheard” feeling.

What I Learned From my Adulthood

• Even the closest of friends pretend to be fine when they’re not.
• Even the closest of friends will fail to stick with you at your worst, if you’re not careful.
• It’s okay to cry, but not really. You shouldn’t. Grown-ups don’t.
• Crying makes people uncomfortable, and their comfort is more important than my pain.
• Expressing emotions makes people uncomfortable.
• It’s important to maintain an image. An appearance of “I can take everything in stride.”

Why are my friendships not as intimate as they could be? I fail to trust people with the worst parts of myself. In fact, my husband is the only one I’ve been able to trust wholly and completely. And, really, why should I take that leap to trust others? I observe people around me, and I don’t really see people being fully open about themselves… So I’m just following the example and showing, mostly, my best side.

Is it wrong that I/we do this? With our best friends, should we be more trusting, more intimate, more willing to admit how bad we screw up sometimes, how much we hurt sometimes, how angry we get, or sad, or lonely? And, if so, how do we make that next step from friends who hang out, chat, and complain together to friends who are just plain real together?

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Life during deployment has gotten better in my neck of the woods. I think that nearing the two-month mark is helping. In other words, the further we get into it the more it becomes…somewhat easier to handle. It’s not that I don’t still miss Hubby. I do, sometimes to the point of tears, but the house just doesn’t feel quite as lonely now that I’m a little more used to the idea that I’m here and he’s not. I’m definitely looking forward to the coming R&R (hopefully in the spring) and his homecoming next fall!

It also has made a huge difference to me to have my mom here for a visit. She arrived last week and is staying for just shy of one month. We’re enjoying some mother-daughter time that we really haven’t had in four or five years! The house feels a lot less empty with her here. So I’m keeping busy with that and with other goals I’m working on.

And, of course, it’s NaNoWriMo time! National Novel Writing Month comes every November, and I’m participating for the fourth year in a row. This year, due to marrying into the Army and currently living through my first deployment, I’ve really got military on my mind, and I’m writing a story about the Army. I did some planning and outlining last month so that I could jump right in on November 1st. So far it’s going well!

Expect my updates here to remain somewhat sparse for the time being as I spend time with my mom and with my writing. I will try to continue updating once or twice a week, though, because I know I need to get back in the habit of regular posting!

How does everyone like the new layout? My friend Jester is still working on a few of the kinks, but it’s mostly done! I like it.

Is anyone else participating in NaNoWriMo?

Previous Fridays

I love my husband because…

1. You got me “just because” flowers, and they’re beautiful.

2. You give up sleep for me.

3. You have such a creative imagination.

4. You’re too smart for your own good.

5. Because you love me.