There are some things that you just are. Forever. For instance, I once told someone I was an MK (missionary kid), but he corrected me by saying, “once an MK, always an MK.” I may be grown up. My parents may not be missionaries any more, but I am still an MK. They say alcoholics are always alcoholics, and I’ve even heard “once a pothead, always a pothead.”

What about writing? And blogging? Once a blogger, am I always a blogger? (Even though I haven’t posted in over a month…?)

I’m just going to write, okay? I’m tired of trying to make things perfect! I’m just going to write.

Deployment

I know you’re all curious. Right? It’s been a year, and you’ve barely heard anything about deployment from me! It wasn’t my intention to let that happen. Actually, I intended to write about deployment a lot and really show you what it was like from my perspective. And now it’s over, and I haven’t done that at all.

Basically, deployment sucks, no matter how you slice it. The first month or two is supposedly the hardest, but for me it was at least 3 or 4 really hard months. After that, it got a little easier. The hard (low) times didn’t come as frequently, and I knew we were getting close to the half-way point. The 6-month mark was exciting and energizing, and we were, in some ways, lucky to have R&R in month 8 to look forward to. Our 2 week break was lovely and refreshing, but it was hard to say goodbye again and go back to online-only communication. For a little while, for me, it felt as hard again as it had been when he first left, but that faded, and the last 3 months or so passed fairly quickly.

Overall, I was surprised that I actually survived the deployment. I was surprised at how normal it began to feel to live alone, even though I still missed Hubby and wanted him home desperately. I was surprised that the whole year eventually passed, and it was over, and we had done it. I’m still surprised, I guess. But you can’t deny the facts!

I’ve been at a loss of how to write about all that as it was happening, and now the whole year has passed and I’ve lost my chance. But the good news is that deployment is over! Yes, hubby is home. He actually got home after 51 weeks, so my paper chain still has one link hanging up above the kitchen.

And yes, his redeployment (homecoming) was very exciting (and stressful…). I’m thrilled that he’s home! It has been great! There are adjustments and some struggles, and possibly some more of that to come, but nothing beats my joy at the simple fact that he’s home, now. And you, my few but loyal readers, deserve to know about it.

And I think that’s all I have to say for now. Things are beginning to calm down here, so I hope I will be able to get back into a routine of more regular posting. Until then… feel free to comment or send me messages or otherwise let me know that I’m still loved!

I’m thankful for a God who cares about every feeling I have and doesn’t get mad at me for feeling what I feel. He is patiently teaching me that I can choose how those feelings do or do not affect my actions much more often than I thought I could. He is reminding me that even when I feel overwhelmed, he hasn’t left me, and even when I feel devastated, he has good things planned for me. So, I guess I’m also thankful that there’s a truth that is much more powerful than my human feelings.

My husband is someone I’m always thankful for. I’m so proud of him for surviving this deployment, and I’m so happy that it’s almost over and I will get to have him home with me before too long. I’m grateful that he has stuck with me, even when I’ve made it difficult. Not only that, but he’s always willing to look at himself and try to make changes to make himself better. At this rate, he should be literally flawless in another 5 years or so…

Finally, I’m thankful for my sweet kitty cat who, throughout the last few months, has become more sweet than ever. He rarely bites me any more, but he does cuddle me – lots. He’s great company. Did I really want to throw him in the dumpster a few months ago? lol

What are you thankful for this week?

Pumpkin has continued to amuse me with her antics. She has now discovered that she can jump up onto that bed in the guest room, and it is her new favorite thing to hop up there and bounce around. She just runs back and forth doing binkies sometimes, and it’s great fun to watch.

Tumbles, meanwhile, has grown more and more confident around the bunny. He is no longer running from her. He now chases her all around and chews on her playfully – though sometimes I warn him off when it seems to become too rough. He also explored the inside of Pumpkin’s cage once, and he frequently sticks his head inside for a drink of water when the cage door is open.

I wonder what they’re going to do next! I would like to see Pumpkin start to stick up to Tumbles a little bit more, maybe charge at Tumbles sometimes and make him realize he can’t just do whatever he wants. The more I have to intervene between them, the more Tumbles is going to want to play rough. The good news is, we now have an x pen for Pumpkin! I haven’t set it up yet, but once I do, it will give her a portable play space that Tumbles won’t be able to get into and she won’t be able to get out of, which will enable me to let her out of her cage sometimes without constantly being there to supervise playtime. Hooray!

This Monday, I got an unexpected offer from a friend! She and her husband had gotten talked into taking a rabbit home from the pet store over the weekend, only to get home and realize they were not bunny people. They didn’t know what they were getting themselves into, and Marty and I were only too happy to take the bunny off their hands! Introducing Pumpkin, the 4 month old bunny. I’ve been told she is a Standard Rex, and she will probably grow up to twice as big as she is now.

I have much to learn still about caring for a rabbit, but she is happy and growing more comfortable with me every day, so I guess we’re doing alright for now! Many people do not realize that rabbits can live up to 10 years and sometimes longer! They can also be litter-box trained. Many rabbit-owners give their bunnies free reign throughout their house (after bunny proofing, to make sure nothing important or dangerous gets chewed up). Even if that’s not the case, rabbits need exercise and need to spend a good amount of time outside of their cages. They are not low-maintenance pets, so they are definitely not for just anyone, but it has really been a joy having Pumpkin here so far, and Marty can hardly wait to come home and meet her!

If you’re wondering about how Tumbles handles sharing his home with a rabbit, have no fear! The hunting-instinct that made Tumbles such a threat to Birdy does not seem to be a problem with Pumpkin, mainly because Pumpkin is confident and willing to stand her ground against Tumbles rather than run away. In fact, Pumpkin often chases Tumbles, and they have a grand ole’ time! I’ve posted a couple videos of the two of them on YouTube.

Have you ever had a rabbit? What was your favorite or least favorite part of being a bunny-slave? What veggies did your bunnies most enjoy? Pumpkin seems uninterested in cucumber and only slightly interested in carrots, and I am slowly going to be introducing more and more options to her to find something she loves.

Also, I’m grateful for a husband who loves me enough to buy me the perfect water bottle that I didn’t even know I needed! Purple, and with a built-in straw. And it doesn’t have a weird taste, either.

And my iPhone. I can’t forget that. I have grown to love it over the last couple weeks! I especially enjoy being able to turn on worship music while I’m still in bed when I’m having trouble getting up.

What are you thankful for this week?

1. Have you (spouse) ever considered joining the military and what do you think of dual military couples?
   I actually thought of joining the Army before Hubby did, back when were were just friends. I’m glad I didn’t, though, and I wouldn’t consider it at this point. I don’t know how they handle it. One spouse in the military is hard enough!
2. What is your idea of a perfect Sunday afternoon?
   I love lazy Sunday afternoons. Naps on Sundays after church are very nice.
3. What do you usually do for the 4th of July holiday?
   I don’t have a “usual” any more, and I actually don’t have any plans for this year! I don’t feel like fighting the traffic on post to go to the fireworks and carnival thing, and I don’t feel like driving to see family. I will probably make a pizza and watch the fireworks from my backyard.
4. If they could make an Olympic event JUST for you that you know you’d medal in, what would it be?
   Seriously? I don’t think I could medal in anything! I’d say crocheting or cooking or singing, but I’m not an expert at any of those things. Besides, I’m not very competitive.
5. What have you been doing to get yourself bathing suit ready for the summer?
   I may be overweight, but I’m already bathing-suit-ready. I love swimming, and I’ve never let my weight stop me. I just haven’t gotten many opportunities to swim yet this summer!

(Click to see previous Fill-Ins)

1. When you vacation what type of vacation do you like to take (beach, historic, adventurous, food oriented, etc.)?
   
   I am always, always up for a beach vacation. I’ve never lived near a beach, but when I was younger I would visit my dad in the summers, and we would spend a weed or two in Florida fishing off the pier and fishing/swimming at the beach – sometimes watching the July 4th fireworks there. I love the ocean!
2. What is your best memory associated with a song (you know we all have tons!)

   My first ever real date was with my now-Hubby while he was on leave during his second deployment. We had an amazing night in Ft. Worth, TX, starting with sushi (my first time!), and ending with a moon-lit carriage ride around the city and a sweet drink at a jazz bar. In the middle of all that, we went to a concert to see Alpha Rev, a band we’d never heard of before but ended up absolutely loving. Every time I hear the song American Jesus I remember that night and how perfect it was. (No, it’s not a Christian song. I actually don’t know what it’s about. Ask my Hubby.)

3. If you had six months with no obligations or financial constraints, what would you do with your time?
   
   Well, would my husband also have no obligations? I think we would probably make a trip to Australia and then go tour around Europe for a while. Have a very lengthy second honeymoon! lol This probably sounds rather selfish of me, but I’ve been so long without him, I really can’t think of any less selfish ambitions I’d want to focus on! Maybe finding/buying some land and building a house? Can you do that in 6 months?
4. What is one thing about you that people do NOT typically notice at first that you wish they would?
   
   The only thing that really comes to mind is… when people meet me, they ask what I do. And somehow I always end up sounding really pathetic, and they’re not sure what to say. I wish people could recognize that even without a day job and without being a student, I still keep busy and I still have a brain. I “do” lots of stuff! In fact, right now I’m finding myself slightly overcommitted with my various goals… I’m studying one book with my Sunday school class, another book in another Bible study at church, another book with a different group, plus I’m doing my daily Bible study, and I’m reading various marriage books and novels, managing our finances, trying to become a better housekeeper, trying to potty train my cat (still!) and grow various plants and stay active!

5. It’s a summer of sequels, and if you had to live in one of each of the following “worlds” (there are three total) which would you choose and why? 
   –X-Men: Be a Mutant, what would your power be?
   –Harry Potter: Be a Witch or Muggle?
   –Twilight: Be a Vampire or Werewolf?

   Obviously I would be a witch in the Harry Potter world. That one interests me most. To actually live around vampires? I don’t think I’d like that…

To start with, I’m thankful for this idea! Thanks, Lisa!

I am thankful for Psalm 91:14-16:

“Because he holds fast to me in love, [says the Lord], I will deliver him;
I will protect him, because he knows my name.
When he calls to me, I will answer him;
I will be with him in trouble;
I will rescue him and honor him.
With long life I will satisfy him
and show him my salvation.”

I’m also thankful for the on-post lawn service – despite the fact that yesterday they left a note on my door saying they couldn’t mow my backyard because my gate was blocked (which it was not). They still save me what would be a lot of trouble of going down to the garden center, renting a mower, lifting it into and out of my trunk, putting it together to mow, doing the actual mowing and edging… What a blessing for the Army to provide that service while Hubby is deployed!

I’m thankful also for my Hubby who longs to be able to be with me and comfort me when I’m having a bad day. He doesn’t want to avoid me; he loves me at my worst. Thank you, Honey!

Birdy successfully distracted me from obsessing over the approach of R&R, and before I knew it Hubby was home and meeting Birdy himself. They took to each other right away. Birdy seemed to bring a sort of balance to R&R that might not have otherwise been there. We were unable to be too far away from him, as he was still dependent on me for feedings while he was learning to peck at seeds and drink water on his own, but we were still able to doo all the fun things we wanted to do. The only thing that got left out of R&R was something that would have cost us a large amount of money, and we weren’t so disappointed to pass up that opportunity, when it came right down to it. Birdy held us together. He brought us joy in the mornings as we fed him and in the evenings before bed. Hubby knew that sometimes, if I was tired and cranky, all I needed was a little dose of Birdy’s love to cheer me up. We even took Birdy on walks and took him in the backyard to fly. He kept us company at home as we played on the Xbox or watched movies. We were, in fact, looking forward to keeping him and having him around for a good 15-20 years.

However, Birdy’s story has somewhat of a bittersweet ending.

“The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.”
Job 1:21b (ESV)

The day Hubby left to fly back to Iraq, Birdy also left to fly away and make his own life. The Lord gave him to us for just a short time to meet needs in Birdy’s life and in ours. I was able to give him warmth and shelter and car when he needed it to survive, and before he left he learned to eat seeds on his own and drink water, to preen and to fly, and then he apparently no longer needed my mothering. I pray that he stays safe, and I grieve for the fact that he probably won’t live as long in the wild as he would in my home, but he is where he wants to be. And he is as much in God’s hands now as he was the day I found him weak and hungry, as much as the day he vomited and I was sure he was dying. The Lord has Birdy in His hands. And as I put seeds out in the backyard daily, I sometimes catch a glimpse of this one mourning dove who likes to return alone and peck around. I’m pretty sure it’s Birdy, stopping by for Mom’s free food.

This is our last picture together, just minutes before Birdy left the “nest.”

(Click for videos: Birdy Got Lost | Trying to Fly)
(Sadly, we didn’t take videos of Birdy during R&R, and I intended to start taking videos again when Hubby left, but I ran out of time, so all the videos we have are of his younger days)

The first thing on my mind when I woke the next morning: Did he make it? I had to know if my baby bird had survived the first night. I was already unbelievably attached to him. If God had indeed given me this bird to distract me from my impatience waiting for R&R, well, it was working. And Birdy, as I began to refer to him, did indeed make it through the night! He greeted me happily with chirps and wriggling wings as I peeked into his box, and it brought me such joy. He truly became my baby. Though I didn’t birth him, I worried about him like a mother, and he was utterly dependent on me for everything.

I was worried, though. I hadn’t wanted a bird. I was just trying to save a life. Now, it seemed I was stuck. I had to keep caring for him, and it soon became apparent that he was bonded to me in such a way as would make it very dangerous to try and release him. Also, how would I get anything done between all the time spent caring for him? What had I gotten myself into?

But every time I fed him or spent time with him, it became a real joy. It was…uplifting! Over the next two days we settled into a rhythm of feedings and naps, and I found that I could find time for other things (chores) in between times. Birdy was happy to snuggle against his heating pad and rest in between feedings; he didn’t need me 24/7. I managed to learn how to better manage my time, and around this time I started to wonder just how God was using this. Maybe there was more to this than just distracting me for the time being. Maybe, I thought, this is actually a bit of preparation for motherhood? Maybe it’s preparation for the future, for keeping other birds – maybe even chickens – so that I won’t be afraid of them?

Each night, I put Birdy to bed and prayed he would make it through another night, and each morning, I prayed for the strength to give Birdy what he needed as well as do all the other things I needed to do. We continued to grow more attached to each other even as Birdy became more independent. There came a day when it seemed he no longer needed or wanted to stay in his little shoe box between feedings. I would sometimes put him in and close the lid so it was only open a crack and thus force him to rest a bit, but at other times I would set him on the windowsill to look outside, or he would sit on the open lid of his box and preen and watch me.

I got a lot of help and support from the members at Pigeon-Talk Forums, and it was a few members there that began to say that Birdy’s poops were not looking so good. He might be sick. I felt horrible! Birdy had just gotten past what I’d considered the danger zone and was finally seeming to thrive, and now he might be sick? I was told all kinds of problems that might be causing the bad poops, and I had to drive and call all around trying to find a medication that no one seemed to carry. Even once I found a store that would ship it to me overnight, it got delayed, and it seemed like I would never get it! After I received it and started giving Birdy his doses, his poops did not improve, and we had some more scares. He threw up his formula several times and was acting very lethargic, and finally I took him to a vet who very kindly worked us in between his other patients to check Birdy over and take some stool samples for testing. Birdy came out with a clean bill of health – such a load off my mind! Such a relief!

So many things could have gone wrong… There were so many mistakes I made in caring for this bird, and my efforts were so imperfect. He could have died from the mistakes I made in the first day alone! I fed him when he was cold. I left the formula out all day and reheated it, allowing bacteria to grow. I made the formula with hot tap water, possibly introducing bad things to him from the hot water pipes. I made his formula too thick sometimes. I fed him way too much some days, so he could have aspirated (this, in fact, is probably what was causing him to vomit his formula on occasion – overfeeding). I didn’t keep him perfectly protected from drafts in his box. And yet throughout it all, Birdy not only survived but actually thrived under my care. The Lord must have been protecting him from my blunders.

God seemed to reveal to me over time spent with Birdy that he really cares for all of his creation. Maybe the whole experience was less about me and more about showing God’s love, even for something as insignificant as a dove – one dove among hundreds just in my neighborhood alone. Or maybe he intended this to save Birdy, teach me about his love, prepare me for motherhood, distract me, keep Marty and me together and focused during R&R, and many other things… Maybe he provided exactly what I/we needed at exactly the right time, and used it in even more ways than I can imagine. That does sound like my God.

“Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?”
Matthew 6:26 (NIV)

“Who provides food for the raven when its young cry out to God and wander about for lack of food?”
Job 38:41

“I know every bird in the mountains, and the creatures of the field are mine.”
Psalm 50:11

Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father.”
Matthew 10:29

(Click to watch videos: Baby Dove Feeding | Friday Morning Feeding | Feeding Birdy 12 days old | Feeding 5/2)