The church I frequently attend is going through the Discipleship Journal Bible Reading Plan! I’m planning to read along with them for several reasons…

1. 1. Habit – I’ve gotten out of the habit of regularly reading scripture. I usually only crack my Bible open for my weekly Bible study or for church, but in the past I’ve felt much closer to God and had much more peace when I was reading daily.
2. 2. Knowledge – I’ve never read through the whole Bible. I’ve tried several times, but when reading it from front to back, I always get stuck in the Old Testament… I’ve read through the New Testament a couple times, but there are still parts of the OT that I’ve probably never even seen!
3. 3. Unity – I like that the whole church is doing this together, and I really want to be involved by doing it with them.

If any of those reasons stand out to you, maybe you’d like to join us? I’m a little late posting this, but there’s still time for you to catch up and join in, as the plan only requires 25 days per month of reading. So it’s not every day reading. To start with, we’re in Matthew, Acts, Psalms, and Genesis. The plan gives you passages from four different places in the Bible, which I think is pretty unique. So far it has been interesting for me!

• Sunday: Matthew 1:1-17, Acts 1:1-11, Psalm 1, Genesis 1-2
• Monday: Matthew 1:18-25, Acts 1:12-26, Psalm 2, Genesis 3-4
• Tuesday: Matthew 2:1-12, Acts 2:1-21, Psalm 3, Genesis 5-8
• Wednesday: Matthew 2:13-23, Acts 2:22-47, Psalm 4, Genesis 9-11
• Thursday: Matthew 3:1-12, Acts 3, Psalm 5, Genesis 12-14
• Friday: Matthew 3:13-17, Acts 4:1-22, Psalm 6, Genesis 15-17
• Saturday: Matthew 4:1-11, Acts 4:23-37, Psalm 7, Genesis 18-20

Dread.

All of my teenage and adult life has been focused on that one word. Dread.

How did I learn that word? How did I come to the conclusion that it was an accurate description of my feelings?

What comes to mind is an episode of a TV show I used to watch (I can’t remember what show this was – Maybe Full House?) where a kid hears her parents talk about being nervous – how they would certainly be nervous before doing something that she was about to do, and all of the sudden the kid develops stage fright. Really convinced that she is now feeling those things that her parents were feeling, she tries to back out of a performance, and the parents don’t realize what is happening until she repeats their words: “I’m nervous.” They only realized then that they had not only taught her a new vocabulary word, but they had also taught her to fear something she had no real need to fear.

I wonder if that’s what happened to me. Did I hear people talk about dreading work and then decide that I did, too?

When it Happens

I’ve felt dread about all kinds of situations in my life, but usually they fall into one of two categories:

1. Responsibilities – Things I have to do cause me to feel dread. Sometimes, when I think about it, I can laugh at myself a little because I know that if it weren’t something I had to do, I might actually enjoy it. But, sadly, knowing that doesn’t always help. I still feel the dread that I’ve learned to associate with responsibilities.

2. The Unexpected – I also feel dread when facing new and unexpected situations. This is probably related to my reluctance to face change. I like what I know, what is tried and true, and I dread entering situations where I might have to face something I haven’t faced before.

These are my mountains. Deployment, for instance, falls partially under both categories. Doing dishes falls under responsibilities. Going alone to a party falls under unexpected. Everything, it seems, is related to one or the other, or both.

Your mountains may have different shapes or may be made of a different substance, but these are mine.

Before Climbing

I have to do this. I know I have to do this. I need to, and I’m expected to do this. If I don’t do this, bad things will happen. I don’t want to do this, but I have to…

Thus cycle my thoughts.

Before I can climb any mountains in my life, I have to work past the dread. This comes before breaking a task down into manageable, bite-sized pieces and before taking any first baby steps. Because, no matter how small I tell myself the steps are, dreading them can still keep me from taking the first step. So, how do we do it?

One way to work past dread is by blocking it out. This is the method I’ve used most frequently, though I’m not necessarily proud of it. I try to think on anything other than the task at hand, and by so doing, trick myself into doing what I know I must. I can do it with loud music, with talking to friends, and with generally keeping busy.

The second method is preferable and probably more healthy than the first. Prayer. I so often underestimate the power of prayer. I have to continually remind myself that praying is not what it sometimes feels like. It is not just talking to myself or to the ceiling or sky. It’s not just something that makes me feel better, either.

• Prayer is speaking with my God, who is actually the only one who has the ability to help me. He is all-powerful!
• Prayer is drawing succor from the Holy Spirit, who was given to me by God to be my Comfortor when I was saved.
• Prayer is admitting my insufficiencies and relying my Heavenly Father.
• Prayer is accepting that my Lord is in control, even when it doesn’t feel like it.
• Prayer is taking the focus off of myself and remembering to praise the Maker.

I want to encourage you to do what I also try to do: Face your mountains prayerfully. Manage your dread by facing it with prayer rather than blocking or avoiding it. Use prayer to prepare yourself for your first step!

What things do you dread? What do your mountains look like? What causes mole-hills to become mountains for you? How do you prepare to climb them?

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I feel like I need to take a deep breath and pray a bit before I write this…

“Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”
-Colossians 3:12-13 (NIV)

Can I just start by saying that I feel like I’ve had an abundance of experience with stupid people lately? And I don’t handle it well. I’m usually impatient, unkind, condescending, and sometimes downright rude. It’s hard not to be!

I mean, when it takes a doctor’s secretary a month to get your appointment set, and when you have to give her your phone number again each of the dozen times you call her, and wait as she seems to spend five seconds writing down each digit… It’s hard not to get just a little impatient.

Dearly Loved

I lay in bed at night and thank God for his perfect, unconditional love, acknowledging that even my husband and I cannot love each other in the same way He loves both of us. The next morning, I get up, and I raise my voice at the customer service agent at Tricare. (Don’t get me started on Tricare!)

Human nature says, “I’m number one!” Self is the most important. And other peoples’ worth is judged by many factors: intelligence, humor, whether they’ve done you harm.

But human nature is sinful, and God doesn’t appreciate the judgments we pass on his creation.

Instead, He says that we should be motivated by his love and his sacrifice to pour that love on others.

“This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.”
-1 John 4:10-11 (NIV)

• Compassion, a deep sympathy for another’s suffering.
• Kindness, being warm-hearted and considerate.
• Humility, accepting ourselves as we really are before God.
• Gentleness, being amiable and tender.
• Patience, waiting or enduring good-naturedly and without complaint
• Forgiveness, to excuse or pardon, to renounce anger and resentment.

These are all just aspects of one love, a love that we are to give to others. It’s not something that is dependant on whether they love us first. It’s something that is dependant on the fact that God already loved us first. Now we love others.

What if they don’t deserve it?

Sorry to tell you, but they don’t deserve it. But God says their worth isn’t judged by the factors we like to use. They’re worth something because they are God’s creation, too, and he loves them.

Tricare will probably thank me for taking this lesson to heart.

Life by the Spirit

“I sure can’t just make myself more loving!”

We aren’t really capable of unconditional love, but God is. And as Christians, we have his Holy Spirit within us. The only way we can really accomplish God’s will is by allowing the Spirit to work in and through us. It’s a process of being aware, being in constant prayer, and being open to the Spirit’s leading. We won’t get it right all the time, but the more we work at it, trusting Him to work in us, the more we’ll start seeing the fruits of the Spirit. And, hey, those look pretty similar to the loving qualities we’re supposed to show others…

“…Live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature. For the sinful nature desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the sinful nature. …The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other.”
-Galatians 5:16-17, 22-26 (NIV)

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Why should I sing in the choir? Can’t I sing just as well from the congregation?

Why should I go to church? I can read the Bible and pray at home.

Why should I pray? I mean, God already knows my thoughts, right? He knows what I would ask for.

Do you wonder about those things, too?

Once Upon A Time…

There you are, sitting at Bible study/church/youth group. You’re not close friends with the everyone there, but you see them twice a week, every week. You’ve even spent some time alone hanging out with a couple of them. You sit together before the lesson and chat about how your week has been going, and you laugh about things that have happened at work. Afterwards, you eat a meal together and chat some more. You go home feeling good about the experience.

Next week, Bible study time comes, and when you arrive, everyone else from the group is already there. You find out by piecing together pieces of their conversations that they have spent the day hanging out. Elsewhere. You weren’t ever invited.

Sure, you get to hear about how much fun they had, but you weren’t included. And no one singled you out to tell you about it.

Aren’t you hurt? Don’t you feel disappointed? Excluded?

Wouldn’t God feel the same?

Including Him

What I consider real friendships – deep, close, meaningful friendships – are those in which I can sit and talk about what’s going on with me. Here’s what I’m excited about, here’s what I’m worried about, here’s what I could use a second opinion on. I can laugh with my real friends and sometimes even cry with them. We can seethe together over some injustice. We can put on silly hats at Walmart.

This is why we pray.

God knows what happens in our day-to-day lives. He know which parts we liked and disliked, what we’re excited about, and what we’re nervous about. He knows what parts we tell our best friends about and what we write in our journals. But he doesn’t want to hear it through the grapevine or overhear us telling someone else. He wants the intimacy that comes from sharing a relationship with us.

He wants to cry with you and seethe over that injustice; that stupid event that happened at work. He wants to nod in understanding and remind you that it will be okay. He wants to share your joy in triumphs and be included in your life!

And, of course, he wants to hear more than “Please bless Bobby and please give the Grants safe travel. Oh and please bless this food. Amen.” When that was the only praying I was doing, it was no wonder I had a hard time understanding its importance.

Drift Happens

However, even I, though I feel I understand the importance of prayer, find it hard to keep up the habit. A few days of skipping prayer is sometimes all it takes to break the habit, a few days of being too tired or too busy to get around to it. I figure, well God knew how I felt about that. He understands I was too tired. I’ll catch him tomorrow. Before I know it, sometimes it’s weeks or months down the road and I haven’t had any real sit-down time with him, and I’m wondering why I don’t feel as close.

I have to remind myself of the importance, and then I have to sometimes just force myself to do it. Then, at the end of a long conversation I can sit back and say ,“Wow! That was great! Man, I didn’t realize how much I’ve missed talking to him. Why did we ever drift apart?”

It’s natural to go through phases of feeling more distant from God, but it’s important to remember why and how we stay close. So, here I am, reminding you – and myself.

I’m glad that God is faithful to me. Without fail, he is always there for me, always loving me, always strengthening me. He will never leave me nor forsake me.

Our culture seems to lack faithfulness. In fact, our culture lacks all of the fruit of the Spirit. These fruit, or qualities, are love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control (Gal. 5:22-23), and there is a very good reason that we don’t find these qualities abounding in society. They aren’t human nature.

Culture

I’m expecting that by the time I have teenaged children, the divorce rate in America will be between 60-75%. The signs are everywhere that marriage is failing. Know what I see all the time in movies and other media? Aside from divorce, what I see is people questioning the very idea of marriage. They ask, “How can I really say I’ll love one person for the rest of my life? How can I promise to stay with one person forever?”

The thing is, people are rebelling against marriage because it’s not natural to them. We all need to have human companionship, but this idea of one man and one woman committing to each other for a lifetime and becoming one flesh is a Biblical thing. Maybe it has been a process. Throughout time, ever since the Fall, creation has been constantly degrading, and maybe things like the fruit of the Spirit will become more and more difficult to grasp the further we fall. I don’t know.

What I do know is that I fear for future generations. Christians need to continue to strive to bear good fruit and set examples for their children and friends!

Our Example and Our Reason

Jesus was both fully man and fully God, thus making him literally a perfect example of how to behave as a human being. For one thing, he was human and someone we can emulate. Secondly, he was God, so he did not fall short the way we will. We aren’t divine; none of us is perfect. But we do have a perfect example, and if we strive for perfection, we may achieve excellence.

Jesus was faithful to his family and friends as well as to God the Father. Even unto death.

“Faithfulness matters because it matters to God. Period. The longer I walk with the Lord and the more I fall in love with Him, the more I am convinced that the core characteristic that He is looking for in us is faith(fulness).”
-Why Faithfulness Matters – BeBroken.com

Living Loyally

As much as loyalty is highlighted as a virtue, it’s not always easy to be loyal. Still, it’s my goal to be known as a loyal person, with God’s help. I hope that my friends know that they can always count on me to stick by their sides and love them. I know my husband believes in me to always love and honor him. I pray that God continues to help me continually draw near to him and glorify him with my life.

But on a personal note, what I’m struggling with lately is believing in others’ loyalty to me. Sometimes it feels like friends are only friends as long as it’s convenient. People only seem to check up on you when you give them cause to worry, and people are only there for you if and only if you’re there for them. It’s a hard thing to deal with, but I must remind myself that faithfulness does not come naturally, even to me. I must remember that where humans fail, God never does. And I must continue striving to be faithful to my friends, not to earn their loyalty in return, but because God expects it of me. He expects me not to live a life that comes naturally, but rather to live a supernatural life, one that I can only live with his help.

Christians and money. I believe that Christians have an oft-ignored responsibility to handle their money with care. The Bible actually has a lot to say about money, and yet I wonder how often we really consult it or God before making financial decisions.

The Bible on Riches

“For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil…”
-1 Timothy 6:10 (NIV)

That is probably the most famous Bible verse about money. People often misquote it as “money is the root of all evil,” but the wording implies a slightly different meaning. As it says later in Matthew 6:24, “No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money.”

What God calls for in the financial area of your life is the same thing he calls for in other areas: wholehearted commitment. So let’s get something straight here right off the bat. God doesn’t tell us that it’s wrong to be wealthy. In fact, as seen in the Old Testament, God often blesses faithful men with riches. What needs addressing is what is most important in your life?

“The call of Jesus is often personalized based on what he knows challenges our allegiance to him.”

(Read more: Click here Under Creative Commons License: Attribution Non-Commercial Share Alike)

“As [Jesus] went out into the street, a man came running up, greeted him with great reverence, and asked, ‘Good Teacher, what must I do to get eternal life?’

Jesus said, ‘Why are you calling me good? No one is good, only God. You know the commandments: Don’t murder, don’t commit adultery, don’t steal, don’t lie, don’t cheat, honor your father and mother.’

He said, ‘Teacher, I have—from my youth—kept them all!’

Jesus looked him hard in the eye—and loved him! He said, ‘There’s one thing left: Go sell whatever you own and give it to the poor. All your wealth will then be heavenly wealth. And come follow me.’

The man’s face clouded over. This was the last thing he expected to hear, and he walked off with a heavy heart. He was holding on tight to a lot of things, and not about to let go.

Looking at his disciples, Jesus said, ‘Do you have any idea how difficult it is for people who ‘have it all’ to enter God’s kingdom?’ The disciples couldn’t believe what they were hearing, but Jesus kept on: ‘You can’t imagine how difficult. I’d say it’s easier for a camel to go through a needle’s eye than for the rich to get into God’s kingdom.’

That set the disciples back on their heels. ‘Then who has any chance at all?’ they asked.

Jesus was blunt: ‘No chance at all if you think you can pull it off by yourself. Every chance in the world if you let God do it.’”
- Mark 10:17-27 (The Message)

Using Money Wisely

God loves when we give to the poor and spend our money on those who are in need. However, God doesn’t always call us to do that. There are other good ways to use money, some of which are stated directly in scripture and others that we glean from various stories and from our knowledge of God’s character.

“Jesus was at Bethany, a guest of Simon the Leper. While he was eating dinner, a woman came up carrying a bottle of very expensive perfume. Opening the bottle, she poured it on his head. Some of the guests became furious among themselves. ‘That’s criminal! A sheer waste! This perfume could have been sold for well over a year’s wages and handed out to the poor.’ They swelled up in anger, nearly bursting with indignation over her.

But Jesus said, ‘Let her alone. Why are you giving her a hard time? She has just done something wonderfully significant for me. You will have the poor with you every day for the rest of your lives. Whenever you feel like it, you can do something for them. Not so with me. She did what she could when she could—she pre-anointed my body for burial. And you can be sure that wherever in the whole world the Message is preached, what she just did is going to be talked about admiringly.’
-Mark 14:3-9 (The Message)

Here’s a brief list of what I believe to be good and poor uses of money, based on my faith and my studies.

The Good:

• Charity – Giving to the poor. God cares for people through his servants. Jesus praises the idea of giving money, food, and shelter to the poor. Proverbs 22:9: “A generous man will himself be blessed, for he shares his food with the poor.”
• Supplying our family’s needs – The Bible teaches that it is good to work for your wages, and those wages are meant to help provide for your needs. Proverbs 28:19: “He who works his land will have abundant food, but the one who chases fantasies will have his fill of poverty.”
• Giving gifts to loved ones – Jesus likens God’s blessings to the gifts we give to our children. It is good to give gifts to those we love. God does it, and he is the perfect example for us to follow! Matthew 7:11: “If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!”
• Helping the church – The church can also help provide for needy people, but first the members of the church need to give to it. This is called tithing because in the Old Testament Jews were required to give a tenth of their wages to the Lord. Giving to the church is the most direct way we can give to the Lord. 2 Corinthians 9:7: “Each man should give what he has decided in his heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.”
• Helping missionaries – Missionaries aren’t paid a salary. God provides for their needs through us. And indeed they have many needs, and their work is rough. Mark 6:8: “These were his [Jesus’] instructions [to those he sent out]: "Take nothing for the journey except a staff—no bread, no bag, no money in your belts.”
• Playing – Before you say this is a stretch, think about the good things the New Testament has to say about celebrations and parties. God doesn’t call us to be solemn all the time. We are meant to enjoy life! Sometimes, this means playing. The word of caution is to make sure you have taken care of your responsibilities first, and to remember that not all recreational activities available to us are necessarily good in God’s sight. So be careful, but have fun. Ecclesiastes 5:19: “…When God gives any man wealth and possessions, and enables him to enjoy them, to accept his lot and be happy in his work—this is a gift of God.”

The Bad:

• Hoarding – Just read Ecclesiastes if you question this. Hoarding is no good. It’s meaningless to build up treasures in this life. Put your money to good use, instead!
• Showing off – Pride comes before a fall. God does not think highly of boasting.
• Worshiping – Again, man cannot serve two masters. Worship the God who blessed you with your money, not the money itself.

Seek Ye First

How should we treat our money? I believe that as Christians, we should pray before making decisions about money. No one answer is correct in every situation. You can’t always save it. You can’t always give it to the poor. You can’t always use it on gifts for loved ones. Seek God, and he will guide you, though sometimes that guidance is so gentle we barely notice it. Keep seeking him. Keep praying.

What are your thoughts on the matter? I’d love to get other opinions on this – or any feedback you’re willing to share!

Remember that old saying? If you love X, you’ll set him/her/it free. How many times has that proved true for me? How many times does God have to give me the same lesson before I learn?

“The Tao Te Ching says, When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be. When I let go of what I have, I receive what I need. Have you ever struggled to find work or love, only to find them after you have given up? This is the paradox of letting go. Let go, in order to achieve.
Letting go is God’s law.”
–Mary Manin Morrissey Read More Letting Go Quotes

Learning Slowly

It’s taking a while for it to sink in, but I think what God’s trying to tell me is that he always has my best interests in mind. I know it, but it’s hard to remember when things don’t feel as if they’re going well. It’s hard to remember when pain and disappointment hit.

So far, he’s shown me that learning to be content with singleness, with waiting for his timing for marriage, led to him bringing me quickly to a point where I could get married. He showed me that learning to trust him to open up job opportunities brought me to a place where I was able to enjoy my job and be financially independent. He’s showing me that letting go of my deep-rooted desires allows him a chance to give me abundant blessings, better than what I could have chosen for myself.

Let Go and Let God…

…have his way.

“Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the LORD and shun evil. This will bring health to your body and nourishment to your bones. Honor the LORD with your wealth, with the firstfruits of all your crops; then your barns will be filled to overflowing, and your vats will brim over with new wine.”
-Proverbs 3:5-10 (NIV)

God calls Christians to let go of their goals, desires, and attachments. Not because goals are bad, and not because our families and friends are unimportant – because he desires our attentions more than those things, and because he can give us better than what we dream for.

"’Teacher,’ he declared, ‘all these [commandments] I have kept since I was a boy.’
Jesus looked at him and loved him. ‘One thing you lack,’ he said. ‘Go, sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.’”
-Mark 10:20-21 (NIV)

“…It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God."
-Matthew 19:24 (NIV)

“…Jesus…said: ‘If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters—yes, even his own life—he cannot be my disciple.’”
-Luke 14:25-26 (NIV)

So, Hubby will work where God puts him, and I will thank God for placing him there. So, I will wait on having children until God’s timing says it’s right, and I’ll thank him for his perfect timing. So, God will grant me the things I need when I need them and give me blessings that exceed my desires… And hopefully I’ll one day learn to give him the trust he deserves. After all, he hasn’t let me down.

“’Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?’”
-Matthew 6:25-27 (NIV)

“Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart.”
-Psalm 37:4 (NIV)

I leave you with this, found on a blog called Redemption’s Heart:

Letting Go

• To “Let Go” does not mean to stop caring, it means I can’t do it for someone else.
• To “Let Go” is not to cut myself off, it’s the realization I can’t control another. To “Let Go” is not to enable, but to allow learning from natural consequences.
• To “Let Go” is to admit powerlessness, which means the outcome is not in my hands.
• To “Let Go” is not to try to change or blame another, it’s to make the most of myself.
• To “Let Go” is not to care for, but to care about.
• To “Let Go” is not to fix, but to be supportive.
• To “Let Go” is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being.
• To “Let Go” is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes, but to allow others to affect their own destinies.
• To “Let Go” is not to be protective, it is to permit another to face reality.
• To “Let Go” is not to deny, but to accept.
• To “Let Go” is not to nag, scold or argue, but instead to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.
• To “Let Go” is not to adjust everything to my desires but to take each day as it comes, and cherish myself in it.
• To “Let Go” is not to regret the past, but to grow and live for the future.
• To “Let Go” is to fear less and love more. – Unknown.
• Letting Go – is my knowing that I cannot play God and believe in God at the same time.