Random thoughts…

There are some things that you just are. Forever. For instance, I once told someone I was an MK (missionary kid), but he corrected me by saying, “once an MK, always an MK.” I may be grown up. My parents may not be missionaries any more, but I am still an MK. They say alcoholics are always alcoholics, and I’ve even heard “once a pothead, always a pothead.”

What about writing? And blogging? Once a blogger, am I always a blogger? (Even though I haven’t posted in over a month…?)

I’m just going to write, okay? I’m tired of trying to make things perfect! I’m just going to write.

Deployment

I know you’re all curious. Right? It’s been a year, and you’ve barely heard anything about deployment from me! It wasn’t my intention to let that happen. Actually, I intended to write about deployment a lot and really show you what it was like from my perspective. And now it’s over, and I haven’t done that at all.

Basically, deployment sucks, no matter how you slice it. The first month or two is supposedly the hardest, but for me it was at least 3 or 4 really hard months. After that, it got a little easier. The hard (low) times didn’t come as frequently, and I knew we were getting close to the half-way point. The 6-month mark was exciting and energizing, and we were, in some ways, lucky to have R&R in month 8 to look forward to. Our 2 week break was lovely and refreshing, but it was hard to say goodbye again and go back to online-only communication. For a little while, for me, it felt as hard again as it had been when he first left, but that faded, and the last 3 months or so passed fairly quickly.

Overall, I was surprised that I actually survived the deployment. I was surprised at how normal it began to feel to live alone, even though I still missed Hubby and wanted him home desperately. I was surprised that the whole year eventually passed, and it was over, and we had done it. I’m still surprised, I guess. But you can’t deny the facts!

I’ve been at a loss of how to write about all that as it was happening, and now the whole year has passed and I’ve lost my chance. But the good news is that deployment is over! Yes, hubby is home. He actually got home after 51 weeks, so my paper chain still has one link hanging up above the kitchen.

And yes, his redeployment (homecoming) was very exciting (and stressful…). I’m thrilled that he’s home! It has been great! There are adjustments and some struggles, and possibly some more of that to come, but nothing beats my joy at the simple fact that he’s home, now. And you, my few but loyal readers, deserve to know about it.

And I think that’s all I have to say for now. Things are beginning to calm down here, so I hope I will be able to get back into a routine of more regular posting. Until then… feel free to comment or send me messages or otherwise let me know that I’m still loved!

Wife of a Sailor hosts this weekly meme for military spouse bloggers.

1. Have you (spouse) ever considered joining the military and what do you think of dual military couples?
   I actually thought of joining the Army before Hubby did, back when were were just friends. I’m glad I didn’t, though, and I wouldn’t consider it at this point. I don’t know how they handle it. One spouse in the military is hard enough!
2. What is your idea of a perfect Sunday afternoon?
   I love lazy Sunday afternoons. Naps on Sundays after church are very nice.
3. What do you usually do for the 4th of July holiday?
   I don’t have a “usual” any more, and I actually don’t have any plans for this year! I don’t feel like fighting the traffic on post to go to the fireworks and carnival thing, and I don’t feel like driving to see family. I will probably make a pizza and watch the fireworks from my backyard.
4. If they could make an Olympic event JUST for you that you know you’d medal in, what would it be?
   Seriously? I don’t think I could medal in anything! I’d say crocheting or cooking or singing, but I’m not an expert at any of those things. Besides, I’m not very competitive.
5. What have you been doing to get yourself bathing suit ready for the summer?
   I may be overweight, but I’m already bathing-suit-ready. I love swimming, and I’ve never let my weight stop me. I just haven’t gotten many opportunities to swim yet this summer!

Wife of a Sailor hosts this weekly meme for military spouse bloggers. I participated twice before, and I can’t remember why I stopped! It’s fun, and I’d like to try it out again! Here are today’s questions…

(Click to see previous Fill-Ins)

1. When you vacation what type of vacation do you like to take (beach, historic, adventurous, food oriented, etc.)?
   
   I am always, always up for a beach vacation. I’ve never lived near a beach, but when I was younger I would visit my dad in the summers, and we would spend a weed or two in Florida fishing off the pier and fishing/swimming at the beach – sometimes watching the July 4th fireworks there. I love the ocean!
2. What is your best memory associated with a song (you know we all have tons!)

   My first ever real date was with my now-Hubby while he was on leave during his second deployment. We had an amazing night in Ft. Worth, TX, starting with sushi (my first time!), and ending with a moon-lit carriage ride around the city and a sweet drink at a jazz bar. In the middle of all that, we went to a concert to see Alpha Rev, a band we’d never heard of before but ended up absolutely loving. Every time I hear the song American Jesus I remember that night and how perfect it was. (No, it’s not a Christian song. I actually don’t know what it’s about. Ask my Hubby.)

3. If you had six months with no obligations or financial constraints, what would you do with your time?
   
   Well, would my husband also have no obligations? I think we would probably make a trip to Australia and then go tour around Europe for a while. Have a very lengthy second honeymoon! lol This probably sounds rather selfish of me, but I’ve been so long without him, I really can’t think of any less selfish ambitions I’d want to focus on! Maybe finding/buying some land and building a house? Can you do that in 6 months?
4. What is one thing about you that people do NOT typically notice at first that you wish they would?
   
   The only thing that really comes to mind is… when people meet me, they ask what I do. And somehow I always end up sounding really pathetic, and they’re not sure what to say. I wish people could recognize that even without a day job and without being a student, I still keep busy and I still have a brain. I “do” lots of stuff! In fact, right now I’m finding myself slightly overcommitted with my various goals… I’m studying one book with my Sunday school class, another book in another Bible study at church, another book with a different group, plus I’m doing my daily Bible study, and I’m reading various marriage books and novels, managing our finances, trying to become a better housekeeper, trying to potty train my cat (still!) and grow various plants and stay active!

5. It’s a summer of sequels, and if you had to live in one of each of the following “worlds” (there are three total) which would you choose and why? 
   –X-Men: Be a Mutant, what would your power be?
   –Harry Potter: Be a Witch or Muggle?
   –Twilight: Be a Vampire or Werewolf?

   Obviously I would be a witch in the Harry Potter world. That one interests me most. To actually live around vampires? I don’t think I’d like that…

I’ve got the itch. It’s time for R&R. Past time, in fact, if we go by the month Hubby requested for leave. We still don’t know when it’s actually happening, but we know it’s coming soon!

We’re sort of glad that we’re getting mid-tour leave in the last half of deployment, but the long wait to see each other has been kind of killer. Now, with the time fast approaching, it’s almost all I can think about. I spend so much time thinking, planning, imagining him here. We’ve talked about our expectations for the time (I would recommend this highly to people looking to R&R coming up or even redeployment; don’t just assume you’re on the same page!), things we want to do, people he wants to visit. I’ve made to-do lists to get the house ready and shopping lists to make sure we’re stocked up and have all his favorites, and he has started thinking about foods he wants to eat so he can experience all the good stuff before going back. It’s very exciting!

A couple days ago, I was picking up some R&R-related items at the store, and I must have been looking pretty happy as I thought about his arrival – enough that one lady commented on how great my smile was!

The last time we faced R&R, Hubby and I weren’t married or even dating at the time, and he stayed mostly with his family in between making visits to me and other friends. This time it’s going to be totally different. Neither of us has experienced this before, so we may not really know what to expect.

I’m just trying to keep in mind that I should expect a great time and not worry about imperfections. It won’t be perfect, there will probably be some bumps, but we can still have a wonderful time together. My only real hopes are that we have a relaxing, enjoyable visit that refreshes us and helps us make it through the last few months of deployment! Do you have any other tips for how to mentally (or emotionally, or physically) prepare yourself for R&R?

(R&R or mid-tour leave is a two week break during deployment. The soldier basically gets to go home – or somewhere else – and chill out with no responsibilities for a while before going back. Travel time from the deployment location to home doesn’t count, which is good since it can take anywhere from a day or two to a few weeks, but as soon as he or she arrives at home, they get 14 days until their return flight. This is pretty standard for all year-long-or-longer Army deployments. I don’t really know how to works in other branches or with shorter deployments.)

I’ve been thinking about how deployment is changing my perception of time. I’m starting to realize that God’s using it to give me a whole new perspective, and I think in some ways I’m understanding God a little tiny bit better. Like I have a little more understanding of the idea of him being outside of time itself.

When I have to go a few weeks without seeing friends, I sometimes chuckle on the inside when they explain on our next meeting how much they’ve missed me, while I feel that hardly any time at all has passed. What’s the big deal? Next to having to wait a year to see my other half again, to feel him and look into his eyes… Well, let’s just say it makes all these little gaps of weeks and months feel like nothing.

I can’t really imagine what it is like for God to be outside of time, but if the (global) church is his passion, his love, his other half, so to speak, and he is separated from her for… well, a long, long time… Well, I can imagine that feeling now. She fell away from him, and he won’t be reunited with her until basically the end of this world. Like a year’s separation for me, and how impossible and horrible it seems to a normal married couple, God’s separated from his bride the church for… thousands, if not millions of years. How insignificant must other, shorter increments of time feel to Him? To me it gives new meaning to the verse that says a thousand years is like a day to the Lord.

I’m trying to apply this understanding to my prayer life. See, I’ve been getting frustrated with God for not answering my prayers. Sometimes I pray specifically for the same things for weeks on end, and sometimes I begin to lose hope that he’ll ever hear me and answer. But I have felt like he’s saying to me, “Just because I haven’t answered in a week, you think I’m not listening at all? Trust me! I hear you, and I will answer you. I will meet all your needs. Have patience.”

Sometimes, I’m afraid time won’t ever slow back down. If weeks feel like no time at all, will it still feel like nothing when Hubby is home for two weeks of R&R? Will I have trouble soaking in his presence and enjoying our time together? Will my life speed by too quickly, with this perception of time? I have hope because I’ve known women who have been through deployments with their husbands before who still ached terribly at their husbands’ absence for a week or two of training. So things must eventually return to normal. But hopefully when that happens, I’ll still be able to remember the lesson I learned. Mostly – the patience.

Two soldiers from Hubby’s division, who were deployed to the same location as my hubby, were killed Saturday during a training exercise with US soldiers and Iraqi soldiers. It was only one Iraqi soldier who was out for blood, apparently, and the man’s own commanding officer also died trying to take him down… But still, just one soldier with a plan to use live rounds instead of blanks, and we’ve lost two of our men. I pray that God comforts their families…. I can’t even imagine the pain.

I know that a lot of us wives are finding that this is a wake-up call. Iraq, right now, is still unsafe. Yeah, it’s better than it was a couple years ago, and it’s better than Afghanistan. But there are still so many dangers there, from the vehicles breaking down or catching fire during mission to the people who make stupid choices and put others in danger, to the Iraqis who still hate us and don’t care whether they survive their attempt to take as many down as possible.

I’m reminding myself, however, that it’s not a wake-up call to worry. It’s a call to pray more and trust more. The God who loves us and gave his Son for us has all things well in hand, and I know he wants for me to lay my anxieties at his feet and allow him to comfort me.

Thankfully, when I heard the news this weekend I was occupied by a visit from one of my best friends! It was good to have a distraction. I think without Erika here, I might have spent the whole weekend saying to myself, “I know he’s fine, but….” and “what if….” and “…but if he’s okay, why hasn’t he been online?” I watched four movies this weekend with Erika…

1. 1. Knight and Day – Funny movie, but oh, so corny. The dialog was pretty bad, the stunts were pretty outrageous, and…I just expected more from Cameron Diaz and Tom Cruise.
2. 2. Easy A – Liked this one fairly well. It was a cute movie and a decent story. My complaint is with the girl playing the main character. I’ve seen Emma Stone in several other movies without complaint, but I did not like her in this role. It didn’t seem like a good fit. She was annoying and kind of awkward, in my opinion.
3. 3. The Dilemma – Liked this one pretty well, too. It was funny – definitely has its moments… But it’s the kind of movie that kind of makes you cringe for the main character. He seems to always make bad decisions.
4. 4. The Social Network – Good movie! Although, it did make me kind of hate Mark Zuckerburg. The movie kept me interested all the way through and was just…very captivating and entertaining. And I liked how it neither spoke as to who was right and who was wrong, nor did it gloss over everything as if it was all just a little unnecessary drama. The characters seemed very real – in the sense that sometimes people just don’t THINK and sometimes geniuses are stupid jerks and sometimes friendships aren’t very deep… I guess I can’t really explain it.

I hope that y’all will help me pray for the families of those soldiers who died in Iraq on Saturday. And pray for the rest of the soldiers that are still there in Iraq and in other dangerous countries, such as my Hubby (who, by the way, is fine He was able to get back online last night and reassure me).

Deployment sucks. There’s no denying it, and, unfortunately, there’s no way to magically make it easier. It’s not so simple as one more person telling you to keep your chin up, as if, maybe after you hear it enough times something will click in your head and you’ll no longer feel down. Nope. Sorry! Not gonna happen.

I’m new to this, and I’m taking everyone else on their word and hoping that it will get better and easier. I hear the first month is the hardest. We’ll see! But in the meantime, I’ve found some comfort in some resources I found online. I’d like to share them in hopes that someone else might also enjoy them – whether you’re a spouse, parent, sibling, or friend of a deployed soldier! So, here we go, in chronological order…

Before He Leaves

1. If you are feeling a bit frazzled and trying to remember what needs to be covered before he leaves, here are a few tips from eHow.com: Finances, vehicles, holidays, and household maintenance – all important things to add to your pre-deployment to-do list. See the full article by clicking here.

2. I did not have to face the problem addressed in this article on ChristianMilitaryWives.com. However, I still found some really good advice in it, and would recommend it to you, especially if you find that your soldier is seeming more distant the closer deployment gets.

“Don’t let your sour, bitter thoughts get in the way of your relationship with Christ or your husband.  Don’t let pre-deployment jitters get you down! You are armed with something that non-Christians do not have.  You have God on your side, ‘if God be for us, who can be against us?’ Romans 8:31”
-Patti Katter

3. There are several good all-inclusive articles I found. They include advice for Pre-, During, and Post-Deployment. Twoofus.org focuses on Preparing Your Marriage for a Military Deployment with advice about things like patience, blame, and infidelity. Red Cross has an article on Deployment Tips that focuses mostly on homecoming, but it also has a really thorough checklist that will prove useful throughout the entire deployment.

I saved the best for last, though. As far as an overview of the whole process of deployment, I liked this article by Stacey the best. She touched on some things that I really was beginning to think I was alone in feeling. The truth is that, as she says, “just about any emotion you have during this time period is normal.” Reading this article really helped me remember I’m not alone, and, believe me, it’s good to have constant reminders of that fact.

“Depending on your husband’s unit, you could have months of notice before they deploy or as little as a few hours. Your first reaction could very well be shock, disbelief and a feeling of helplessness. You may have thoughts run through your head about flying off to another country and disappearing. Although this is common, it’s NOT recommended! They will find you and then not only will he be deployed, he will probably serve jail time as well and have pay and rank stripped from him.”
-Stacey – MarriedtotheArmy.com (Dealing With the Emotional Roller Coaster of Deployment)

While He’s Gone

1. I’ve already mentioned this article in my post SMW Syndrome. Check it out, if you missed it, or go straight over to Anita’s article about Super Military Wife Syndrome.

2. Your soldier deserves to come home to the real you, so take care of yourself while he’s gone. Exercise, journal, work on projects, set goals, et cetera! Read eHow’s article (this is a different article than that mentioned in the first section) for more thoughts on the subject. And, I would also recommend this Military Mama’s post called Lessons Deployment Has Taught Me. It’s okay to be sad! Finally, read quotes from other wives at ivillage.com that are, supposedly, the best 21 tips you can find!

“People are just going to say things in hopes it makes you feel better. Let them.”
-Lessons Deployment Has Taught Me

3. Meanwhile, aside from keeping your body and mind cared for, your soldier is off in a distant, probably harsh, land. He (or she) is separated, not only from his spouse, but also from all of his loved ones. He is probably sleeping on a cot most nights, in a room with little in it to speak of home. He needs care, too, and don’t forget it. So, tell him frequently how you feel about him and that he is in your thoughts and prayers. Thank him for his service; express your pride. Send letters!

4. Care packages are another great thing to do for deployed soldiers. Ask your soldier (or his wife) for a list of items he would like to receive. There are lots of websites, some of which are listed below, which will give suggestions on items you might choose to send. Here’s a compiled list:

• Foods they can’t get from the DFAC or PX
• Personal hygiene items
• Extra socks and underwear
• Photos
• Stationary
• Stamps
• Pictures or posters for walls, if they have any
• Travel-sized medicines and toiletries
• Moist towlettes/cleansing cloths
• Reading material
• Batteries
• Puzzles/other games he might enjoy
• Visit these websites for more info: How to Support…, How to Make…, How to Ship…, US Army Care…

DO NOT send any of the following:

• Melt-able Items (Chocolate, et cetera)
• Alcohol/Drugs
• Pork
• Pornography

Make sure you have your soldiers full, correct address before you mail anything! And, before you go off packing things into just any old box, check your local post office for FREE boxes. They are called flat-rate boxes, and you do not have to pay for them. Take as many as you want! They come in several sizes. No matter how much they weigh, they have a flat rate for shipping, and it’s a very good deal. You can also visit USPS.com and order 10 or 20 boxes, which they will deliver to your door for free! You will also need a customs form (2976-A) for each package, and you can get those for free at the post office or free from USPS.com. Additionally, everyone should check out THIS website which tells you how to get an entire Military Care Kit for free. It has everything you need all included.

Closing Thoughts

Once more, I want to link you to the following articles which include a few homecoming tips.

• Red Cross Tips
• Twoofus.org
• Married to the Army

Finally, there are a few bright-sides to deployment, as outlined at Milspouse.com. Head on over there to see what they are. And I would love it if you had suggestions on additions to that list. The more bright sides we can come up with, the better! My favorite from their list is how much easier cleaning is when he’s gone. Especially with no kids, yet, to dirty things up.

If you enjoyed this post, do me a favor:
Use the link buttons below to share it
on your social networking site of choice!
Thanks, friends!