What it is – What it do!

Leave, in the Army, is taking time off from work. Basically, it’s vacation time. You save it up and then spend it, similar to how you save and spend vacation hours at a civilian job.

Block leave is a block of time usually several weeks long when the whole unit takes leave at the same time. Block leave is usually given around holidays such as Christmas and before and after deployments. It’s supposed to be optional (after all, you’re “paying” for those days with your “vacation hours”), but usually soldiers are all but forced to take block leave because, if they don’t, the officers in charge have to come up with work for them to do and people to supervise them.

Pre-Deployment Block Leave

It has been going well for us so far! Hubby and I took a short vacation that included a lot of time in the sun. Two all-day trips to amusement parks and a day and a half at the beach! Hard to decide which part was my favorite! I think Hubby’s favorite was Six Flags Fiesta Texas, and I do have to admit that was quite a fun day. We rode the Poltergeist at least three, maybe four, times. That is my new favorite rollercoaster!

The beach was, of course, lovely. The only downside was getting stung by a jellyfish for the first time. I couldn’t believe how many jellyfish were in the water! I’d never seen anything like it! Sea World was fun, too. The sea lion show was my favorite part of that day.

I was somehow able to make it through the whole trip with very minimal burns. Hubby got to worst of the sun, but he has a nice tan to show for it now. Finally his torso skin color matches the color on his hands and neck! (Silly Army tans are even worse than farmer tans.)

To sum things up, here are some pictures from the trip!

I started watching Army Wives while my husband was at JRTC. I’d heard a lot of good things about it, and several friends of mine regularly watch and enjoy the show. But Hubby…he’d seen bits and pieces before and had decided that he didn’t like it, so I knew I needed a chance to watch it alone. A show just for me. I finally got that chance when he was gone for a month.

The Differences

So, he left, and I watched…and watched, and watched. I watched all 3 (complete) seasons of Army Wives within the first 2-3 weeks of JRTC, and I was sad that there wasn’t more to rent from Netlix. The first episode caught my attention right off the bat. Within the first 10 minutes, a soldier proposes to a girl he’s known for only a couple days. Hey, I thought to myself, I know a couple like that. I knew I’d be able to relate to the show… and that incident was just one of the commonalities I’ve found between the show and the real thing.

However, there are a lot of differences, too. If you’ve watched the show but never really been part of the Army life, you may not be aware of these:

1. FRGs – Army Wives implies that there is one FRG per post, and the woman in charge is the wife of the highest-ranking soldier – or something like that. This is not the case. FRGs are normally organized at a company level. If, for instance, there are 2 divisions on post, you’ll have about 3 brigades, 9 battalions, and 45 companies, which would mean 45  different family readiness groups. These aren’t exact numbers, but you get the idea. And these are not always headed up by the company commander’s wife, though from my understanding that’s not uncommon. I can’t speak for how FRGs in general tend to work as I’ve only been a part of one, but I can give you a little peek inside ours, and maybe some other wives can chime in with how their FRG has worked or not worked in the comments.

• Meetings once a month include all families in the company, not just a select few.
  Our FRG meets once a month. Generally speaking, one member of each married couple in the unit is required to attend. If my husband can’t make it to the meeting and I don’t go in his stead, they can scold and/or punish him for it. Sometimes, to encourage soldiers to go to the meetings, they have been known to give them a day off from PT. Sometimes, they bribe us with food… Basically, the FRG meetings are supposed to include all married soldiers and spouses.
• Meetings cover upcoming events and training schedules.
  Usually, the company commander or another officer goes over the schedule for the upcoming month. They’ll tell us when our soldiers are supposed to be working late, working normal shifts, or getting days off. (It’s a nice little fantasy they have since nothing ever goes according to plan.) Then, the meeting is turned over to the FRG leader, who goes over upcoming events and fundraisers, talks about how they need volunteers, et cetera. If we’re lucky, the meeting ends there and we can either eat, if they’ve brought pizza, or go home.
• Women either try to be involved or try to stay out of it.
  In our company, I seem to see two groups of women: The “FRG Ladies” and the we-don’t-do-that-stuff Ladies. It’s a kind of strange division. I haven’t figured it out completely yet.
• The purpose is to provide information, not take care of individuals.
  Unlike on the show Army Wives, our FRG does not organize things such as taking care of new mothers and newly widowed women. That is the job of another organization (they mentioned it recently, but I can’t recall the name of that organization). The FRG is here to make sure the families are at least as up to date as possible on the unit’s schedule – be it training schedule or deployment schedule. They relay information from the company to the families. And their secondary purpose is to provide some companionship for the ladies when the men are gone. For example, when the boys were at JRTC, our FRG meeting was held at the bowling alley. Fun! I will definitely appreciate that aspect of our FRG more once the men deploy.

2. Deployments – They are a little different, too. Yes, you can be deployed unexpectedly. But, generally speaking, you’re going to know when it’s coming. Units deploy on a schedule, so you know that if they got back at this time of year, they’re going to be deploying about the same time a year from now, unless something unexpected comes up. We’ve known that Hubby was going to be deploying this fall ever since, well, last fall. We didn’t know exactly when, but it’s not like on Army Wives where they call you up out of the blue and say, hey, you’ve leaving in 3 days. And I’m very glad it’s not like that.

3. Station – For for the rest, a lot is unfamiliar to me because the show revolves around officers and one NCO. Keep in mind that there are a lot more enlisted in the Army than officers. A lot more. (One website I checked claimed the enlisted to officer ratio is 6:1.) It didn’t fit in to the show for them to include these families – perhaps because it’s harder to show a realistic friendship between a group of wives that diverse. But there are a lot privates, privates first class, and specialists in the army who are married and who live the army life just like the rest… only different. They have less control, less stability, fewer expectations placed on them. Does anyone else feel like the show is a little TOO centered around officers?

I Love It!

As for the drama in the show, well… a show’s gotta have drama. That’s what makes it interesting and intriguing to watch! The writers/producers are trying to pick up on all the stresses that can and will happen in Army life and concentrate them on one small (very small) group of people. I think they do a grand job of it. Hopefully most of us don’t have to go through ALL of these things, but we’ll know people or know of people that do.

I can relate to Army Wives even if it doesn’t exactly represent the Army Wife Life I live on a day-to-day basis. And for that, I love it!

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Deployment is looming! It is a giant shadow standing somewhere nearby with arms upraised and claws extended, creeping closer, silently, on its tiptoes.

It’s not so distant anymore. No Siree!

When Hubby got back from JRTC, it was just the beginning. Now the topic of deployment comes up not just every day but multiple times a day! It’s inescapable! The truth is, it’s almost here.

First Married Deployment

Hubby has deployed twice already. (Have I mentioned how much that bugs me? It’s ridiculous that there are people who have been in the Army for over a decade already that haven’t deployed more than once, and yet my husband has been in for four years and is already on his third deployment.) Twice deployed, but never as a married man. I’m still new to the Army! Having a friend deploy is one thing; having a husband deploy is going to be a different matter altogether!

I didn’t need the other Army wives telling me it would be different for me to know that it would be different. I knew before we married that deployment would be coming and that it would be different than it was before, for both of us. But I think that only now, as we’ve been married for nine months and the deployment is looming, am I really beginning to understand just how different it will be.

Outside of marriage, it’s hard to understand just how close you really get once you’re husband and wife. Maybe simply living together would bring you as close, but I don’t think so. The bond in marriage is more than just living together, and it’s more than having physical intimacy while living together. Being pulled apart from each other for a year is going to be painful. Putting one of us in a constantly life-threatening setting will make it all the harder.

One of Many

This is but one of many deployments, and we are but one of many couples facing it. The life inside the Army is so different from life outside that many of my friends can’t really comprehend it, but there are so many others that can. How many hundreds of wives are missing their husbands at this very moment? How many hundreds are anticipating that loss? How many thousands are cherishing the time they have with the knowledge that it can only last so long? I must take what comfort I can from the fact that I’m not alone in this.

Facing It

The most important thing to remember is that God is with us, even now. I must continue to leave my worries at God’s feet and let him help me through. Prayer is powerful. Prayer is powerful. Must remember that…

Deployment is before us, and we can’t stop it from coming ever closer, but it’s best for us to face it head on. So, I can see it there, looming right ahead of me. Rather than seeing a big, giant, scary cloud of blackness, maybe I can remind myself that it has a form. It’s about yea high… only about 12 feet tall instead of 12 stories. It’s not really black so much as tan, like the sand in the desert. And it’s really just strolling past, not coming directly at us as though to eat us.

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I didn’t want to write about JRTC. I think that’s why I haven’t gotten around to posting this week. I mean, really, it’s already the main focus of all my video blogs since he left, so why write about it in my blog as well? Isn’t that overkill?

But the thing is, it’s on my mind. It’s practically all I can think about! My obsession with the topic has left me with little choice. Either address it, and get my feelings out, or keep on avoiding writing, since I can think of nothing else. Little choice, indeed!’

Joint Readiness Training Center

For those of you who don’t want to look it up, here’s the gist. JRTC is pretty much pre-deployment training. According to Wikipedia, “JRTC is focused on improving unit readiness by providing highly realistic, stressful, joint and combined arms training.” It simulates a deployment, basically, putting the unit through its paces. Afterwards, the unit is supposed to assess and train further before deployment, trying to correct their mistakes and weaknesses.

It’s a three-week process of set-up, training, and tear-down. And it means my soldier/hubby/best friend is gone for almost a month.

How I See It

The truth is that I’m okay with this training, especially if it’s going to help keep my husband and his unit alive when they do deploy. And in some ways, we wives look at it as preparation for us, too. A small taste of what it will be like when we’re alone for a whole year rather than three weeks.

That’s the rational side.

On the other hand, it’s really hard. As short a separation as it is, in the grand scheme of things, three weeks feels incredibly long! I’d go so far as to say it’s probably harder for those of us who are newlyweds! This is by far the longest he and I have been apart since the wedding.

I miss him. I’m lonely. I haven’t cried as much as I expected to, but I also haven’t had much motivation to do anything (writing, especially). And it has only been a week so far!

By the way, if you try to come kill me, thinking I’m an easy target with hubby off and training, you will have to reckon with my guard kitty. Oh, and my neighbors. And all the guards on post. So I wouldn’t recommend it.

(Note: My posts usually are not this long! Sorry!)

I wonder how many Christians really trust God. Depending on where I am when I think about this, I end up with different answers. I can be in one setting where I feel most Christians must find this easy, while in other settings it seems there are more people having trouble with it than mastering it. Trust.

It’s a hard concept, even when applied to family and close friends, but when applied to an invisible God, it becomes just that much harder. Even within churches, the amount of trust you find may vary constantly. It’s important for all Christians to work on building up their trust in God, but lately I’ve been thinking about how crucial it is for those of us who are also in or associated with the military.

My Lessons In Trust

The truth is that I strayed from God for several years during my teenage-hood, but even before that, I had never firmly placed my trust in God. Faith, yes. Trust, no. It was after I came back from what I call my time of wandering that God began teaching me to lean on him in ways I never had before. Here are two lessons combined together: the couch and the job.

In wanting, praying for, and seeking a clerical job, I put in resumes at almost all the doctors’ offices in my city, and within days I was hired at an office looking only for part-time summer help. I’ll take it! I did take it. But the pay was low, and they weren’t planning to keep me for long.

Two or three months later, I got a call from another office at which I’d applied, and they asked me (months later) whether I was still looking for a job. Telling God I gave him full credit for this amazing opportunity, I went to the interview and took the job. They started me as part time, so as not to interfere with my current job, and they paid me as much as my current job while promising to bump me up to full time and higher pay within a very short time frame. I thanked God profusely, maybe truly meaning my thanks for one of the first times in my life. This, I thought, was surely not coincidence. This was God providing for me! I knew it.

Excited about my new, high-paying job, I started thinking about the possibilities for moving out of my parents’ house. This was something on my mind constantly at that time. It was on my mind partially because I wanted to be independent but mostly because my parents were planning to move out of state as soon as their house sold, and if it sold while I was still unable to afford living alone, I would have to go with them. I ended up going with my co-worker and friend Kellie to Goodwill during a lunch break at my original clerical job, and while I was there I spotted the perfect couch. It was cheap, it was comfy, it didn’t smell like cigarettes, and I wanted it! I called my mom, and she agreed to meet me at the store after work to look at it and decide whether I could keep it at their house until I moved out.

Mom came, and we looked at the couch again. While she agreed that it was nice, she suggested that instead of buying it right away, with money I knew I would have in the future but did not have yet, I should go home and pray about it for a day. At home, I waited a few hours, then asked her again what she thought.

Had I prayed about it? No, Mom, I hadn’t prayed about it yet (said with a sigh). I went back to my room, laid on my bed, and asked God what to do. I hadn’t prayed – really prayed – in years, though I had begun going back to church not too far prior to all of this. Not only that, but it was the first time I remembered just asking God what to do without asking for the result I wanted.

Guess what happened.

He didn’t answer me. He didn’t speak into my head or give me a strong feeling of what he wanted. I got up from my prayer time just as confused and hopeful as before.

The next day I actually forgot all about the couch until my Mom called me at work. She asked whether I would like for my step dad and her to come with me after work to pick up the couch, and I said sure. When we got to Goodwill, though, the couch had already been sold. Normally this would have disappointed me, but for once I recognized it for what it was – God’s answer to my question. Should I get this couch? No? Okay, then.

First day on the job. I hated it.

High pace, high stress office with rude co-workers. I did not even meet the doctor I was working for, and got very little training before being left almost on my own. I was given no breaks throughout the day. I went home feeling very let down, and as I had a day or two off before I would be going back to that office, I began to wonder whether it would be okay to just quit. But no. I had told myself it was an opportunity from God. How could I simply quit and throw it away without giving it a real chance? I determined to stick with it and see what God had for me there, and so, on my second day, after sitting in the car for a few minutes dreading what I had to do, I took a deep breath and headed in to work.

I made it about half the day (just as rotten as the first) before I was called to the back to speak with my office manager and direct supervisor. They told me that I displayed a poor attitude and poor customer service, or something like that, and they said that I could go. Stunned, insulted, but far from disappointed, I took my check for the hours worked and went home. I didn’t understand what had happened aside from the fact that God had given me an opportunity, I had trusted him to show me his purpose in it, and then he took it away.

It was within the next week or two that my office manager at the original job told me that they liked me so much, they wanted me to stay beyond the summer. They upped my pay and hours, and they hired me as a permanent employee. I stayed at this job for two more years, until I married and moved away, and I loved it almost every day.

How Great He Is

I’m not saying I’ve arrived or that I never have trouble trusting. I still question God, and I still try to push for my desires whether or not they are in his plan. But I can say that over the course of the last three years, he has brought me to trust in him more than I ever have before. More than I’ve ever trusted another human being. Above all, I know that he intends only good for me and that all good things come from above, from his hand. Verses that were only nice words now have meaning to me.

“Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.”
-James 1:17 (NIV)

“’For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the LORD, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’”
-Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)

“The steps of a man are established by the LORD, when he delights in his way…”
-Psalm 37:23 (ESV)

Staying Sane in the Military

More than ever before, more than during any other trial in my life, I have a need for this trust as I face day to day life in the military. While trying to make plans for our lives, for family time, for traveling, for where we live, I must constantly remember that God knows what he is doing.

When I got married, I didn’t know that Hubby’s deployment would be moved up, but God knew. Hubby and I didn’t know it would be so difficult to get into Warrant Officer school; there were problems we didn’t foresee, dumb things that are irritating and annoying because they’re ruining our plans. But all along, God knew these things would come up. He didn’t tell us they were coming, but he planned for them being there – they aren’t a surprise to him. We trust him, every day, to get us through, to show us the path we sometimes cannot see that will lead to our planned destination. We also trust him if he decides to say, “Hey, that destination isn’t exactly what I had planned. Keep following me, though, and I’ll take you some place better.”

It hurts me sometimes that I can’t pass on this same peaceful trust to others! Sometimes I have a hard time understanding (or rather remembering, since I, too, stood in that place), how people can doubt. Don’t they know God’s way is better than their way? Don’t they trust him to take care of them? I can’t force anyone to believe, but I can continue praying for them.

Please, do share your thoughts in the comments! Was there a period in your life that you’re aware of God bringing you to a better trust in him? Are you still waiting for him to teach you how? I was there, too. For a long time, I wanted to believe, but I just didn’t, not quite.

Sorry for the crazy long post!!!

“A love-hate relationship is a personal relationship involving simultaneous or alternating emotions of love and enmity.”
– Wikipedia

I have a love-hate relationship with the Army. How the Army feels about me, I can never quite determine. Maybe the simultaneous contradictory feeling is mutual, for all I know.

Hate

Sometimes, I hate the Army. My husband would probably argue that sometimes is actually most of the time because I definitely complain about the Army much more than I brag on it or praise it. When I do hate it, I downright loathe it. I’ll tell you, the emotions can get pretty intense during these times. What has the Army ever done to me, you ask? Plenty.

1. The Army owns my husband. I come second after the Army; I don’t really have first dibs on him. When the Army chooses the flaunt this, I can get pretty catty.

2. The Army mistreats my husband. How can I take care of him when he’s constantly coming home with new wounds and problems? Tell me that, Army!! I try to get him caught up on his rest, and then you go and deprive him of sleep again!

3. The Army is too fickle. Make up your mind! Are they coming home at 0730, noon, or 2100? Does he get weekends off or not?

4. The Army strings us both along, promising things, and when we begin to suspect it may never deliver, they give us another bit of hope to keep us going. Sometimes, I don’t think the Army intends to deliver on its promises at all!

Plus Love

On the other hand, I do love the Army, sometimes. More than you might think! When I love it, I could go to tears thinking of life without it.

1. The Army pays our bills, like any faithful employer should. In fact, the Army’s regularity in this area is most pleasing. It’s never late.

2. The Army gives us security. We can’t get rid of the Army, no matter how bad we might want to at times. It’s always going to be there, and while it may seem fickle, it’s in many ways one of the most constant things in our lives. Even its fickleness is steady and constant, like a security blanket (or teddy, or hippo).

3. The Army takes care of our basic needs. Sure, it gets to decide whether other things are important or not, but the basic needs we have for food, shelter, and medical care, are taken care of, always.

4. The Army actually has a useful purpose. It can be hard to remember, when caught up in day-to-day life as a soldier or a soldier’s wife, but the Army does have a purpose, and serves that purpose well. Our country would probably be in bad shape without it.

Equals Army Wife Life

All of this together makes up a big portion of life as an Army wife. These last two weeks, as my husband was gone yet again for training, I had moments when I cried about how much I hated the Army and moments when I cried about how much I love the Army. Imagining life without it is hard, now. I pray for God to help us through this time in the Army, and to help us through the time when we have to face life without it!

Would you like to add in any reasons you love and/or hate the Army? Or do you, perhaps, have a love-hate relationship with someone (or something) else that you’d like to share?

Whether you’re just getting married to a soldier, or whether you’re already married to a man who is just becoming a soldier, you’ll be a new Army wife. There are a few things, from one new Army wife to another, that I’d like to share. I don’t know it all, by any means, but I’ve probably got a leg up on you. If not, maybe you can share your advice in the comments section.

The Army Owns Him

I heard my husband say this before we were married, and I think I vaguely understood the idea. But not really. What it boils down to is that the Army can do anything they want with their soldiers. The soldiers don’t have to be allowed to sleep or eat for what we might see as unreasonable amounts of time. The soldiers obviously have to be in very good physical shape, and they can be punished for falling short of standards.

In fact, they can be punished for anything their command doesn’t like, even if it’s not in the rules! The Army can jerk the soldiers around every which way and change plans at the last possible minute, and there is not really any system to hold them accountable because, well…

I think the reason is that whoever is in charge is only worried about the greater goals and accomplishments, and they aren’t concerned with who is stepped on to get there. Anyone who is low enough in the chain of command to care usually doesn’t have any power to change things.

Will you be owned by the Army when you marry in? Personally, I don’t think so, and I don’t consider myself to be owned by the Army. But I might as well be. Everything the Army does that affects my husband, affects me as well. They can mess up my plans by messing up his and affect my quality of life by affecting his. It seems unfair because, truly, it is. Life is unfair, Army life even more so.

There is Compensation

Before you start getting down or thinking that it’s all bad, I would remind you that there is compensation for the crap. You may or may not think that it is enough compensation.

• Money – His paycheck comes on the same days of each month, without fail. The amount is plenty for us to live on if we’re smart about our spending. It will not be different from month to month because he is on salary, and no matter how much or how little he works in a given pay-period, his pay will be the same. Even though it can seem upsetting that he doesn’t get paid extra for working late (every day for the past two months…), I see this as a good thing. If he gets sick and cannot work, if we take a vacation, or if there are a number of holidays close together, the outcome is the same, and so is his pay.
• Time Off – Admittedly, it is a hassle sometimes to get leave scheduled. As I mentioned in another post, sometimes leave packets get lost. Sometimes they get denied for silly reasons, too. But overall, it is, I think, easier to get extended periods of time off with the Army than with a civilian job. At least, it is for enlisted soldiers. I have no idea how it works for NCOs and Officers. If a civilian job would hesitate to let you take a week or two of paid vacation because there might be no one else to do your job for that time, the Army doesn’t seem to mind letting soldiers go because, well, there are several more guys in his squad that can usually cover any slack. If they’re not busy or doing training, that is.
• Health Care – My husband and I will always get the healthcare we need. The system is not perfect by any means, and the waits are sometimes long for non-emergency medical situations, but that does not change the fact that whatever we need will be provided at little to no cost. After spending about four years of my adult life without medical insurance, this has meant a lot to me. It gives you peace of mind to know that you can get the medical care that you need.

Commonalities

As you go to FRG meetings and meet your husband’s friends along with their wives, you will find that you have a lot in common with the other military families.

Maybe, in another life, you wouldn’t have become friends with that other Army wife. Maybe your differences would have separated you. But in this life, you’re brought together by what you have in common. And there is a lot to have in common when your day-to-day life is in the hands of the Army. I have found that it doesn’t even matter if you’re shy, or if you have a hard time making friends. That camaraderie is still there. You can even tap into the support network through online communities and blogs, if you’re having trouble meeting people.

Support

Support your soldier! I’m grateful that my husband told me flat-out how much he covets my support as a wife. Not all men can speak their needs in such a way, but it meant a lot to hear that come directly from the horse’s mouth. If your husband doesn’t know how to say it, I’ll say it for him. He needs your support. Remember that the scheduling (and other) issues are not his fault, so make sure that you face the problems with him.

Take his side. Encourage him through the rough patches. Remember that his job is very, very important for our country.

I would suggest that you become familiar with his reasons for joining the military. You can use this knowledge to try to find the best ways to encourage and support him. It will help you understand him, and sometimes you may have to remind him of those reasons.

What You’ve Already Heard

You probably already know that you should memorize your husband’s social security number, as you will need it frequently. You may have figured out how common acronyms are in the military. I’ve only used two in this post. That probably goes to show how new I am! FRG stands for Family Readiness Group, and NCO stands for Non-Commissioned Officer. There are many, many more acronyms that you will, in time, become familiar with.

As this is not a comprehensive list, I’d be very happy to hear what else you think should be included. What other information would you give to a new Army wife?