Whether you’re just getting married to a soldier, or whether you’re already married to a man who is just becoming a soldier, you’ll be a new Army wife. There are a few things, from one new Army wife to another, that I’d like to share. I don’t know it all, by any means, but I’ve probably got a leg up on you. If not, maybe you can share your advice in the comments section.

The Army Owns Him

I heard my husband say this before we were married, and I think I vaguely understood the idea. But not really. What it boils down to is that the Army can do anything they want with their soldiers. The soldiers don’t have to be allowed to sleep or eat for what we might see as unreasonable amounts of time. The soldiers obviously have to be in very good physical shape, and they can be punished for falling short of standards.

In fact, they can be punished for anything their command doesn’t like, even if it’s not in the rules! The Army can jerk the soldiers around every which way and change plans at the last possible minute, and there is not really any system to hold them accountable because, well…

I think the reason is that whoever is in charge is only worried about the greater goals and accomplishments, and they aren’t concerned with who is stepped on to get there. Anyone who is low enough in the chain of command to care usually doesn’t have any power to change things.

Will you be owned by the Army when you marry in? Personally, I don’t think so, and I don’t consider myself to be owned by the Army. But I might as well be. Everything the Army does that affects my husband, affects me as well. They can mess up my plans by messing up his and affect my quality of life by affecting his. It seems unfair because, truly, it is. Life is unfair, Army life even more so.

There is Compensation

Before you start getting down or thinking that it’s all bad, I would remind you that there is compensation for the crap. You may or may not think that it is enough compensation.

• Money – His paycheck comes on the same days of each month, without fail. The amount is plenty for us to live on if we’re smart about our spending. It will not be different from month to month because he is on salary, and no matter how much or how little he works in a given pay-period, his pay will be the same. Even though it can seem upsetting that he doesn’t get paid extra for working late (every day for the past two months…), I see this as a good thing. If he gets sick and cannot work, if we take a vacation, or if there are a number of holidays close together, the outcome is the same, and so is his pay.
• Time Off – Admittedly, it is a hassle sometimes to get leave scheduled. As I mentioned in another post, sometimes leave packets get lost. Sometimes they get denied for silly reasons, too. But overall, it is, I think, easier to get extended periods of time off with the Army than with a civilian job. At least, it is for enlisted soldiers. I have no idea how it works for NCOs and Officers. If a civilian job would hesitate to let you take a week or two of paid vacation because there might be no one else to do your job for that time, the Army doesn’t seem to mind letting soldiers go because, well, there are several more guys in his squad that can usually cover any slack. If they’re not busy or doing training, that is.
• Health Care – My husband and I will always get the healthcare we need. The system is not perfect by any means, and the waits are sometimes long for non-emergency medical situations, but that does not change the fact that whatever we need will be provided at little to no cost. After spending about four years of my adult life without medical insurance, this has meant a lot to me. It gives you peace of mind to know that you can get the medical care that you need.

Commonalities

As you go to FRG meetings and meet your husband’s friends along with their wives, you will find that you have a lot in common with the other military families.

Maybe, in another life, you wouldn’t have become friends with that other Army wife. Maybe your differences would have separated you. But in this life, you’re brought together by what you have in common. And there is a lot to have in common when your day-to-day life is in the hands of the Army. I have found that it doesn’t even matter if you’re shy, or if you have a hard time making friends. That camaraderie is still there. You can even tap into the support network through online communities and blogs, if you’re having trouble meeting people.

Support

Support your soldier! I’m grateful that my husband told me flat-out how much he covets my support as a wife. Not all men can speak their needs in such a way, but it meant a lot to hear that come directly from the horse’s mouth. If your husband doesn’t know how to say it, I’ll say it for him. He needs your support. Remember that the scheduling (and other) issues are not his fault, so make sure that you face the problems with him.

Take his side. Encourage him through the rough patches. Remember that his job is very, very important for our country.

I would suggest that you become familiar with his reasons for joining the military. You can use this knowledge to try to find the best ways to encourage and support him. It will help you understand him, and sometimes you may have to remind him of those reasons.

What You’ve Already Heard

You probably already know that you should memorize your husband’s social security number, as you will need it frequently. You may have figured out how common acronyms are in the military. I’ve only used two in this post. That probably goes to show how new I am! FRG stands for Family Readiness Group, and NCO stands for Non-Commissioned Officer. There are many, many more acronyms that you will, in time, become familiar with.

As this is not a comprehensive list, I’d be very happy to hear what else you think should be included. What other information would you give to a new Army wife?